I am not currently in a romantic relationship with my friend, however, this situation we are in makes it seem like we are basically dating. She is currently with a guy named who she's been with for around 4 years now, however, she tells me she does not love him, but that she loves me and wants to be with me. She is hesitant to end her ties with him, for me, because she is insecure about us being compatible, and also because she is afraid of just losing someone close to her, as her boyfriend is still a good friend to her (if they broke up, he said he would not remain friends with her). I have known her longer than she has known him, and we have been best friends for about 3 years now -- with on and off "liking each other" until we both decided we were in love. There is no sex involved, between her and her boyfriend, or her and me. We are both virgins, although her boyfriend has pressed her for sex before, despite the fact that she does not want it. I truly am in love with her but I do not know what to do. I definitely feel like we are compatible and she acts like she loves being around me as much as I her. We find ourselves constantly resisting the urge to kiss and it's very upsetting knowing that she is constantly in this unstable relationship with her boyfriend, who must have a clue about what is going on between me and her. He is a friend of mine, although he does not make her happy and has scary outbursts of anger at times. Should I continue to pursue a relationship with her despite this very confusing situation? I am willing to wait for her as long as possible, but I can't tell if anything will ever happen. She has the tendency to become suicidal when she's very sad, so there's no way I could just back out 100% (meaning I would still need to be in her life as a friend to let her know I care about her). But if we both want to be together, why hasn't she moved on and at least told her boyfriend that we want to be together? My insecurities make me think that this whole thing is a sham and that she just says she loves me in order to make me happy, which is wrong. Otherwise, wouldn't she have broken up with her boyfriend by now? Thank you so much.

----------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------------------

This woman has a lot of power in both relationships! Her neediness and insecurities have made you and her boyfriend virtual slaves. It is odd, indeed, but weakness can engender power. She needs therapy if she's talking suicide -- although I think those thoughts are probably fleeting, and it's more-or-less a product of her inability to make choices in her life. She's doing her boyfriend no favor by leading him on (despite his volatile nature), nor is she doing one for you. At some time, you're going to have to think about your emotional stability, and decide how much longer you want to be held hostage to her lack of capacity to be decisive. Maybe you and she wouldn't be compatible in a romantic relationship -- but only talking about it, and doing nothing, perpetuates the limbo state you and she are in. Be her friend, fine, but stop enabling her to carry on as usual. You are not her therapist, nor parent, and it's time she grows up and takes responsibility for her actions. Meanwhile, it's long over due for you to see the truth of this situation: She has you and her boyfriend as buffers against facing reality, Her boyfriend is clueless about her admission of feelings for you, and this Damsel in Distress is stronger than you think. Again, be a friend, but begin to distance yourself in ways that do not allow her to keep the status quo.