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Together With No Commitment
- By Miss Emily
- Published 10/30/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
Okay here we go. I've been dating someone for 3 months and we hit it off -- been over there every night since pretty much. It's been a little rocky. He has done everything right as far as actions are concerned. He always calls. I always come over -- we end up hanging out. We can talk about anything for hours. We get along well. But he has a 3 year old son, who he did ask me to meet. I didn't do it. I didn't feel ready because he keeps going back and forth. He says he doesn't want a relationship. That he doesn't see this going anywhere than where it is right now. He can't predict the future, but he needs to focus on him and his son for right now. But he still wants to hangout and talk everyday! He just got out of his relationship about a year ago with the mom, and she immediately left and got pregnant by another guy. So I know he's not ready right now for a relationship, but I truly feel like I have found someone special and I need to know if it's dumb for me to continue seeing him.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
It's only dumb if you continue to see him hoping things will change, when they may not. It is a fact that he believes, at this point, he can't handle any more than an uncommitted relationship -- and that's okay, he's given you fair warning. But if you keep up this momentum -- seeing him every night, talking everyday -- and expecting it to naturally grow into something more because of the time spent and the effort you put into the relationship -- I feel you may be setting yourself up for a huge disappointment. As well, anger sets in, and that's not a good place to be. He'd be off the hook, however, because he was honest from the get-go; or so he would think. I believe in protecting your heart at this time. See him, but not to this degree. And if he wants you to meet his son, that's not a big deal. It would be nice to meet him, and you won't need to play any role other than a friend of his dad's. If he sees you have an independent streak, it lets him know you're in charge of your life and can make plans that don't include him. I would think that's a smart approach -- because it would be good for you, and it can let the relationship move at a slower pace while you decide what it is your truly want from him.
Okay here we go. I've been dating someone for 3 months and we hit it off -- been over there every night since pretty much. It's been a little rocky. He has done everything right as far as actions are concerned. He always calls. I always come over -- we end up hanging out. We can talk about anything for hours. We get along well. But he has a 3 year old son, who he did ask me to meet. I didn't do it. I didn't feel ready because he keeps going back and forth. He says he doesn't want a relationship. That he doesn't see this going anywhere than where it is right now. He can't predict the future, but he needs to focus on him and his son for right now. But he still wants to hangout and talk everyday! He just got out of his relationship about a year ago with the mom, and she immediately left and got pregnant by another guy. So I know he's not ready right now for a relationship, but I truly feel like I have found someone special and I need to know if it's dumb for me to continue seeing him.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
It's only dumb if you continue to see him hoping things will change, when they may not. It is a fact that he believes, at this point, he can't handle any more than an uncommitted relationship -- and that's okay, he's given you fair warning. But if you keep up this momentum -- seeing him every night, talking everyday -- and expecting it to naturally grow into something more because of the time spent and the effort you put into the relationship -- I feel you may be setting yourself up for a huge disappointment. As well, anger sets in, and that's not a good place to be. He'd be off the hook, however, because he was honest from the get-go; or so he would think. I believe in protecting your heart at this time. See him, but not to this degree. And if he wants you to meet his son, that's not a big deal. It would be nice to meet him, and you won't need to play any role other than a friend of his dad's. If he sees you have an independent streak, it lets him know you're in charge of your life and can make plans that don't include him. I would think that's a smart approach -- because it would be good for you, and it can let the relationship move at a slower pace while you decide what it is your truly want from him.
