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Graduate School Trumps Commitment
- By Miss Emily
- Published 10/27/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
Hi and thank you for your time with this question. I'll first give a background of the relationship. Love at first sight is the only real way of describing when I first saw her. She approached me and we started talking. She has been in serious relationships since high school, she is now 24. When we met she was just getting out of an engagement and i said take all the time you need. I respected her wishes and waited but still built a relationship. two months later I asked to make it official. Perfect up until she started graduate school, she started to not have enough time for us. Out of the blue, she says she needs time for herself right now in her life -- even though she knows I am the one for her. I was crushed and confused but figured she just needed time. I gave her 3 weeks of no contact and finally had to ask her where I stand in her eyes, today. She said don't wait around for me because I don't know how long I will need, or what the future will bring. I called her explaining I understand she has never been given the time to be free and grow on her own. I let her know that I'll be here for her whenever she needs but I wont be around forever. She says she loves me and thinks about me and wont get over me so quickly. Finally, my question is did I do things right here? I still love her and have a strong feeling in my heart that what we built is too strong to just give up. Is there a chance that she will come back? The last thing I told her was I'll leave her alone, and she can do what she wants. I will not chase her I just have to let her be free because she was never given the chance. What do I do from here?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
Yes, you said all the right things. You can't, nor would you want to force this relationship out of a sense of guilt or obligation -- although that doesn't appear to be an option! I think you said it best, without me shedding light on it: "I almost feel like we are perfect together, just not the perfect time in her life." Maintain a friendship -- meaning keep in touch -- if that's possible, but I'd take her at her word until, or if she shows any signs of changing her mind. I know you are hurting, but she isn't ready for any commitment, and graduate school is a valid reason (excuse?) for letting you down.
Hi and thank you for your time with this question. I'll first give a background of the relationship. Love at first sight is the only real way of describing when I first saw her. She approached me and we started talking. She has been in serious relationships since high school, she is now 24. When we met she was just getting out of an engagement and i said take all the time you need. I respected her wishes and waited but still built a relationship. two months later I asked to make it official. Perfect up until she started graduate school, she started to not have enough time for us. Out of the blue, she says she needs time for herself right now in her life -- even though she knows I am the one for her. I was crushed and confused but figured she just needed time. I gave her 3 weeks of no contact and finally had to ask her where I stand in her eyes, today. She said don't wait around for me because I don't know how long I will need, or what the future will bring. I called her explaining I understand she has never been given the time to be free and grow on her own. I let her know that I'll be here for her whenever she needs but I wont be around forever. She says she loves me and thinks about me and wont get over me so quickly. Finally, my question is did I do things right here? I still love her and have a strong feeling in my heart that what we built is too strong to just give up. Is there a chance that she will come back? The last thing I told her was I'll leave her alone, and she can do what she wants. I will not chase her I just have to let her be free because she was never given the chance. What do I do from here?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
Yes, you said all the right things. You can't, nor would you want to force this relationship out of a sense of guilt or obligation -- although that doesn't appear to be an option! I think you said it best, without me shedding light on it: "I almost feel like we are perfect together, just not the perfect time in her life." Maintain a friendship -- meaning keep in touch -- if that's possible, but I'd take her at her word until, or if she shows any signs of changing her mind. I know you are hurting, but she isn't ready for any commitment, and graduate school is a valid reason (excuse?) for letting you down.
