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- Teen Guy Wants Only Friendship?
Teen Guy Wants Only Friendship?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 10/14/2010
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily:
I have used your advice before when I faced crush problems but I have crossed over to a more serious problem; relationship status.So here's a background on my weekend experience and weekday let down.What does it mean when I guy simply wants to be friends? I guess to fully understand where I’m coming from I have to start from the beginning. It was just last Friday, when the boy whom I’ve had a major crush on for years, asks me to go to Homecoming with him. That’s right homecoming, if you have no idea what that is it’s a Texas version of sport’s night, where if the guy and girl go together it means serious business. So he just asks me to go with him the day before the dance. Which at first made me think “okay so I probably wasn’t his first choice” i.e., his asking me late, and not having a mum (the thing girls wear that is made basically a giant pin that costs 20$). But I was cool with that, after all I had this major crush on him. Okay so Saturday comes along he picks me up takes me to the dance, and the whole night we have a really good time, but some secrets were revealed. For one I was not his first choice. The deal was he was taking his friend who had asked him to go with her, but she bailed and he thought that I would be a good replacement. But throughout the night he made these nice gestures and said nice things to me, so finally I grew some balls and just asked him. “Why did you ask me to go?” He replies he thinks I’m cute, and that he kinda likes me, which I say ditto to but more eloquently of course. And by the end of the date we kiss, and we are sorta going out…? So Sunday he comes over to the house and we walk dogs together while he holds my hand. Okay, so far -- so good -- but then Monday rolls around and school is awkward. We eat lunch together but don’t tell everyone we’re going out. And then we text all night long, and facebook for a while till we have to do homework. Then Tuesday, same thing, except after school I have play rehearsal and he showed up as support before he had to go to night school, and still the same awkwardness. Again at night we text for a while. Then Wednesday cut in half because we had PSAT, he ditches his senior in service. We meet later for our advisory class. Still awkward a little, but I figure it’s because we’re not doing couple things but we should take it slow right? Okay so he gives me a ride home and then we talk about that awkward feeling we’ve been getting. Then he decides he wants to go back to being friends and not be a couple, but he still wants to go out with me as in maybe this weekend we’ll go to the movies. What the F*** is this? Does this just mean that he doesn’t want to be exclusive, or does he just think we rushed into this to fast, and didn’t get to know each other well enough before going out? Please help me! P.S.. is it a factor that he's a senior and I'm just a sophmore?
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------
Do you get the feeling he thinks he can have the relationship his way, and you either go along with it, or bye-bye? The senior, sophomore thing could be an issue, but if his hope is to tell everyone you and he are just friends but, then, get kissy, kissy with you when alone together, I think you would have to put a stop to that. You might be right, he simply isn't sure, right now, but a couple more outings could answer the question. But remember, no respectable girl (like you) wants to have a relationship with a guy who acts one way to her, and differently around his friends. Th problem, however, is that you really like him and it's tempting to do it his way -- in order for you to be with him -- hoping he will change his mind. Again, you'll know soon enough if that's his intent. If you find that to be true, I think it's too big a risk to your integrity and your heart if you let him get away with it. I'd like to see him go after you for all the right reasons, and not because he thinks you'll jump through hoops just to be with him.
I have used your advice before when I faced crush problems but I have crossed over to a more serious problem; relationship status.So here's a background on my weekend experience and weekday let down.What does it mean when I guy simply wants to be friends? I guess to fully understand where I’m coming from I have to start from the beginning. It was just last Friday, when the boy whom I’ve had a major crush on for years, asks me to go to Homecoming with him. That’s right homecoming, if you have no idea what that is it’s a Texas version of sport’s night, where if the guy and girl go together it means serious business. So he just asks me to go with him the day before the dance. Which at first made me think “okay so I probably wasn’t his first choice” i.e., his asking me late, and not having a mum (the thing girls wear that is made basically a giant pin that costs 20$). But I was cool with that, after all I had this major crush on him. Okay so Saturday comes along he picks me up takes me to the dance, and the whole night we have a really good time, but some secrets were revealed. For one I was not his first choice. The deal was he was taking his friend who had asked him to go with her, but she bailed and he thought that I would be a good replacement. But throughout the night he made these nice gestures and said nice things to me, so finally I grew some balls and just asked him. “Why did you ask me to go?” He replies he thinks I’m cute, and that he kinda likes me, which I say ditto to but more eloquently of course. And by the end of the date we kiss, and we are sorta going out…? So Sunday he comes over to the house and we walk dogs together while he holds my hand. Okay, so far -- so good -- but then Monday rolls around and school is awkward. We eat lunch together but don’t tell everyone we’re going out. And then we text all night long, and facebook for a while till we have to do homework. Then Tuesday, same thing, except after school I have play rehearsal and he showed up as support before he had to go to night school, and still the same awkwardness. Again at night we text for a while. Then Wednesday cut in half because we had PSAT, he ditches his senior in service. We meet later for our advisory class. Still awkward a little, but I figure it’s because we’re not doing couple things but we should take it slow right? Okay so he gives me a ride home and then we talk about that awkward feeling we’ve been getting. Then he decides he wants to go back to being friends and not be a couple, but he still wants to go out with me as in maybe this weekend we’ll go to the movies. What the F*** is this? Does this just mean that he doesn’t want to be exclusive, or does he just think we rushed into this to fast, and didn’t get to know each other well enough before going out? Please help me! P.S.. is it a factor that he's a senior and I'm just a sophmore?
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------
Do you get the feeling he thinks he can have the relationship his way, and you either go along with it, or bye-bye? The senior, sophomore thing could be an issue, but if his hope is to tell everyone you and he are just friends but, then, get kissy, kissy with you when alone together, I think you would have to put a stop to that. You might be right, he simply isn't sure, right now, but a couple more outings could answer the question. But remember, no respectable girl (like you) wants to have a relationship with a guy who acts one way to her, and differently around his friends. Th problem, however, is that you really like him and it's tempting to do it his way -- in order for you to be with him -- hoping he will change his mind. Again, you'll know soon enough if that's his intent. If you find that to be true, I think it's too big a risk to your integrity and your heart if you let him get away with it. I'd like to see him go after you for all the right reasons, and not because he thinks you'll jump through hoops just to be with him.
