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Nowhere Man
- By Miss Emily
- Published 10/9/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. This is the 3rd year in a row he did not get me a birthday gift. I have never received an Christmas gift, and he has never paid to take me on a date. I pay for everything. He has had a few jobs on and off but he has remained jobless pretty much. He sleeps until noon, or later, everyday and I work full time and also take night classes full time, so I'm up from 6am until 11pm most nights. I have asked 100s of times for him to wake up in the a.m., and talk to me on my way to work --just to talk since I'm busy and every night he promises, and everyday he does not answer when I call. I tell him since he does nothing else in the relationship that's the least he could do. He has stolen money from my wallet and admitted to it ( this was a while ago). I am not perfect, and during our relationship I have talked to other guys, guy who wanted to take me out and treat me like a lady. He always brings this up when I cry and tell him he treats me like crap. He constantly says that I nag him and that I need to give him time to prove himsefl because he "loves" me. Its been 3 years and another birthday has passed and NOTHING. He always has cigs but couldnt even buy me a card. He says I'm crazy and that he loves me and that no one will ever love me like him. Im starting to become very depressed and, withdrawn in my life. He texts and calls when he wakes up, and when I dont respond right away, he starts birching me out, evern though I run a dental office and, by the time he wakes up, I am busy with patients. I tried explaining that's why he should call in the morning, and he always has an excuse. This morning, it was that his alarm didnt go off and he was so pissed that it didnt. Yesterday, it was that his phone had cut off and he slept through the alarm -- the day before that it was that his phone was on silent and he didnt hear me call, and the 1000 days before that, well you get the picture. I am crazy for thinking he doesnt give two cents about me? I dumped him today and he said that I will regret leaving him and that I have no reason too - that he treats me well, and I treat him like garbage. I spent almost 1000$ on him for his bday and take him to dinner 1-2 times a week. I buy him drinks, pot and, up until the past few weeks, came over whenever he told me to. Your opinion?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
He may care (I wouldn't call it love), in that you are his enabler. And without you, he'd have to get his sorry butt up and out and behave like a responsible individual -- instead of getting stoned and blaming you for his problems. I was practically wincing when I read your letter, because I tried to imagine what it would feel like to be with a jerk of this caliber. You told me all the things you do for him -- the money spent, nice dinners out, and he's what -- good in bed? Another e-mail to me might clarify that question! My advice? Get out, or get more of the same and, then, regret you wasted even more of your precious life. No doubt, he'll end up begging you to reconsider because he's afraid he's losing his meal ticket, but don't fall into that trap. I think you've got a lot going for yourself, and you simply deserve better. But you have to believe it, and I'm wondering if that's even possible -- knowing that you were capable of putting up with his selfish, and shiftless behavior for this long. Amazing!
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. This is the 3rd year in a row he did not get me a birthday gift. I have never received an Christmas gift, and he has never paid to take me on a date. I pay for everything. He has had a few jobs on and off but he has remained jobless pretty much. He sleeps until noon, or later, everyday and I work full time and also take night classes full time, so I'm up from 6am until 11pm most nights. I have asked 100s of times for him to wake up in the a.m., and talk to me on my way to work --just to talk since I'm busy and every night he promises, and everyday he does not answer when I call. I tell him since he does nothing else in the relationship that's the least he could do. He has stolen money from my wallet and admitted to it ( this was a while ago). I am not perfect, and during our relationship I have talked to other guys, guy who wanted to take me out and treat me like a lady. He always brings this up when I cry and tell him he treats me like crap. He constantly says that I nag him and that I need to give him time to prove himsefl because he "loves" me. Its been 3 years and another birthday has passed and NOTHING. He always has cigs but couldnt even buy me a card. He says I'm crazy and that he loves me and that no one will ever love me like him. Im starting to become very depressed and, withdrawn in my life. He texts and calls when he wakes up, and when I dont respond right away, he starts birching me out, evern though I run a dental office and, by the time he wakes up, I am busy with patients. I tried explaining that's why he should call in the morning, and he always has an excuse. This morning, it was that his alarm didnt go off and he was so pissed that it didnt. Yesterday, it was that his phone had cut off and he slept through the alarm -- the day before that it was that his phone was on silent and he didnt hear me call, and the 1000 days before that, well you get the picture. I am crazy for thinking he doesnt give two cents about me? I dumped him today and he said that I will regret leaving him and that I have no reason too - that he treats me well, and I treat him like garbage. I spent almost 1000$ on him for his bday and take him to dinner 1-2 times a week. I buy him drinks, pot and, up until the past few weeks, came over whenever he told me to. Your opinion?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
He may care (I wouldn't call it love), in that you are his enabler. And without you, he'd have to get his sorry butt up and out and behave like a responsible individual -- instead of getting stoned and blaming you for his problems. I was practically wincing when I read your letter, because I tried to imagine what it would feel like to be with a jerk of this caliber. You told me all the things you do for him -- the money spent, nice dinners out, and he's what -- good in bed? Another e-mail to me might clarify that question! My advice? Get out, or get more of the same and, then, regret you wasted even more of your precious life. No doubt, he'll end up begging you to reconsider because he's afraid he's losing his meal ticket, but don't fall into that trap. I think you've got a lot going for yourself, and you simply deserve better. But you have to believe it, and I'm wondering if that's even possible -- knowing that you were capable of putting up with his selfish, and shiftless behavior for this long. Amazing!
