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Wedding Bell Blues
- By Miss Emily
- Published 10/4/2010
- Relationships - Men
Emily:
I am getting married the end of this month. My fiancee absolutely despises my close friend of 14 years. There are 3 or 4 incidents that happened over a span of 8 years (the time since I knew my fiancee) that have rubbed her the wrong way and made her hate my friend. I'll admit, he can be a bit obnoxious, and their personalities clash. Anyway, long story short, I wanted to invite him and his wife to our wedding but she will not allow him to come. I have 3 other friends of whom we all known for the same amount of time, but she doesn't mind them going. She just hates this one friend so much. I'm caught in the middle here. I love my fiancee; but I think she is being a little irrational. My friend has apologized to me about past instances, but it doesn't matter to her. I want to invite him, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her wishes. Should I have my friend apologize to her face to face, or simply tell him that he is not invited and leave it at that. Please help, thanks .
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
This is the problem with weddings: Women seem to think they are for them, and men just come along for the ride! Any compromise seems to become a foreign concept. It's not a matter of hurting your fiancee, it's more an issue that you like this man -- for all his faults, and you are the one who is put in a position of feeling awkward, and embarrassed because everyone else in the group is invited -- except him and his wife. I don't know what's he done, but your position is "he can be a bit obnoxious" and she thinks he's an ass. It seems to me that even if he did apologize for what he has done (and you can shed some light on that for me if you'd like), her initial opposition to him showing up at the wedding is not taking your feelings into consideration, at all. This problem isn't going to go away if he is part of your life after the wedding. Two possible options: Be firm with her, now, and insist he be invited -- or simple be resigned to her controlling these kinds of situations in the future. But all this said, do weigh the pros and cons -- and include in that whether you feel wimpish if you do comply with her wish to exclude him, or you're going along with it because, ultimately, she is right in her opinion of this man and it's time to face the truth about it.
I am getting married the end of this month. My fiancee absolutely despises my close friend of 14 years. There are 3 or 4 incidents that happened over a span of 8 years (the time since I knew my fiancee) that have rubbed her the wrong way and made her hate my friend. I'll admit, he can be a bit obnoxious, and their personalities clash. Anyway, long story short, I wanted to invite him and his wife to our wedding but she will not allow him to come. I have 3 other friends of whom we all known for the same amount of time, but she doesn't mind them going. She just hates this one friend so much. I'm caught in the middle here. I love my fiancee; but I think she is being a little irrational. My friend has apologized to me about past instances, but it doesn't matter to her. I want to invite him, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her wishes. Should I have my friend apologize to her face to face, or simply tell him that he is not invited and leave it at that. Please help, thanks .
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
This is the problem with weddings: Women seem to think they are for them, and men just come along for the ride! Any compromise seems to become a foreign concept. It's not a matter of hurting your fiancee, it's more an issue that you like this man -- for all his faults, and you are the one who is put in a position of feeling awkward, and embarrassed because everyone else in the group is invited -- except him and his wife. I don't know what's he done, but your position is "he can be a bit obnoxious" and she thinks he's an ass. It seems to me that even if he did apologize for what he has done (and you can shed some light on that for me if you'd like), her initial opposition to him showing up at the wedding is not taking your feelings into consideration, at all. This problem isn't going to go away if he is part of your life after the wedding. Two possible options: Be firm with her, now, and insist he be invited -- or simple be resigned to her controlling these kinds of situations in the future. But all this said, do weigh the pros and cons -- and include in that whether you feel wimpish if you do comply with her wish to exclude him, or you're going along with it because, ultimately, she is right in her opinion of this man and it's time to face the truth about it.
