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Is Her Soldier Losing Interest?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 10/2/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I began to date a man a few months ago. Things moved pretty quickly, emotionally, but he is in the military which means he moves a lot and moved about 9 hours away a few months after we started dating. This man is funny, smart, genuine and kind. Things were going well, until I visited last week. We had planned the trip together, very enthusiastically, and he even paid for the trip himself despite my offering to chip in half. Now, for some reason I feel he has backed off emotionally. Our telephone conversations are shorter, and he doesn't say all the sweet things he used to. Yet he's mentioned wanting to see me, again, soon. I tend to be insecure in relationships, so I can't tell if I'm being insecure or if I have a genuine reason to worry that something is wrong. I feel I can no longer gauge what a man feels for me. Am I being paranoid or practical?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I understand "those feelings" when something like this happens, and the circumstances with him being nine hours away taps into those thoughts of "what's going on when I'm not there?" If he seems to have backed off and doesn't say all the sweet things you are used to hearing, I'm a tad suspect he's questioning his commitment to this relationship -- for reasons that are not yet clear. Right now, don't call him on it because you will appear insecure, or needy -- and that's the last thing you want to convey. If this situation persists, however, I see no reason not to ask him if his feelings have changed -- and let him know that it's certainly all right, and you won't go ballistic. Stress to him that honesty is what you value, and if there's a time when his feeling for you wane, you'd like to be the first to know. For now, continue to be your sweet self, but let him make the overture when it comes to another visit. But I would insist on paying my own way -- if finances permit. Showing some independence is good, and it lets him know you have a life that doesn't revolve around him.
I began to date a man a few months ago. Things moved pretty quickly, emotionally, but he is in the military which means he moves a lot and moved about 9 hours away a few months after we started dating. This man is funny, smart, genuine and kind. Things were going well, until I visited last week. We had planned the trip together, very enthusiastically, and he even paid for the trip himself despite my offering to chip in half. Now, for some reason I feel he has backed off emotionally. Our telephone conversations are shorter, and he doesn't say all the sweet things he used to. Yet he's mentioned wanting to see me, again, soon. I tend to be insecure in relationships, so I can't tell if I'm being insecure or if I have a genuine reason to worry that something is wrong. I feel I can no longer gauge what a man feels for me. Am I being paranoid or practical?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I understand "those feelings" when something like this happens, and the circumstances with him being nine hours away taps into those thoughts of "what's going on when I'm not there?" If he seems to have backed off and doesn't say all the sweet things you are used to hearing, I'm a tad suspect he's questioning his commitment to this relationship -- for reasons that are not yet clear. Right now, don't call him on it because you will appear insecure, or needy -- and that's the last thing you want to convey. If this situation persists, however, I see no reason not to ask him if his feelings have changed -- and let him know that it's certainly all right, and you won't go ballistic. Stress to him that honesty is what you value, and if there's a time when his feeling for you wane, you'd like to be the first to know. For now, continue to be your sweet self, but let him make the overture when it comes to another visit. But I would insist on paying my own way -- if finances permit. Showing some independence is good, and it lets him know you have a life that doesn't revolve around him.
