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Ex-Girlfriend Dangles Carrot
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/30/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
My girlfriend and I were together for almost 2 years. It was an amazing relationship. and we both thought we were the ones for each other. But one night, I got extremely drunk and we had an argument about another guy who kept texting her. In my drunken anger, I slept with someone else. I told her about what I did and she broke up with me. Due to the respect she has for me, we are still on speaking terms and are still friends. It has been 2 months since she broke up with me and I'm still in love with her, but it seemed like she was moving on. But, then, a few days ago she asked if I would like to go and see a movie with her, but then at the last minute she canceled on me. Then this morning (2 days after the first invitation), she asked me, again, if I would like to go to the movies with her and we organized to see one. But when i text her to ask what time I should pick her up, she told me that she was going out with her girlfriends but could we do a rain check for tomorrow. I just wondered whether her excuses were genuine, or whether she is purposely inviting and then cancelling to annoy or test me. What should I say if she asks to see a movie again? I love her so much, and feel so bad about what I did that I'm willing to put up with being cancelled on a few times, and i have been polite when she has canceled -- but how long should I put up with this before saying something or saying no to the invite?
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
First off, she's got to completely get over the fact that you slept with someone else in the heat of anger. I'm not saying that won't happen, but it is a necessity, or she will never let you forget it if you and she did get back together. I don't know if she's trying to do a "payback" thing with you, but it seems childish if that is her M.O. You don't want to become like a puppy waiting to be petted by its owner. If she asks you if you want to see a movie (or any other outing), tell her if it's friendship she wants, you'd be willing to try it -- but that includes follow-through. And if she has any respect for you, in the future, she'll cancel only when there's an emergency. And be firm about it! You made an error in judgment over your reaction to your girl being text by another guy, but that doesn't, now, make you a doormat. Girls like guys who have a strong sense of self-worth, and when they see that lacking, it's easy to wipe their feet on them.
My girlfriend and I were together for almost 2 years. It was an amazing relationship. and we both thought we were the ones for each other. But one night, I got extremely drunk and we had an argument about another guy who kept texting her. In my drunken anger, I slept with someone else. I told her about what I did and she broke up with me. Due to the respect she has for me, we are still on speaking terms and are still friends. It has been 2 months since she broke up with me and I'm still in love with her, but it seemed like she was moving on. But, then, a few days ago she asked if I would like to go and see a movie with her, but then at the last minute she canceled on me. Then this morning (2 days after the first invitation), she asked me, again, if I would like to go to the movies with her and we organized to see one. But when i text her to ask what time I should pick her up, she told me that she was going out with her girlfriends but could we do a rain check for tomorrow. I just wondered whether her excuses were genuine, or whether she is purposely inviting and then cancelling to annoy or test me. What should I say if she asks to see a movie again? I love her so much, and feel so bad about what I did that I'm willing to put up with being cancelled on a few times, and i have been polite when she has canceled -- but how long should I put up with this before saying something or saying no to the invite?
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
First off, she's got to completely get over the fact that you slept with someone else in the heat of anger. I'm not saying that won't happen, but it is a necessity, or she will never let you forget it if you and she did get back together. I don't know if she's trying to do a "payback" thing with you, but it seems childish if that is her M.O. You don't want to become like a puppy waiting to be petted by its owner. If she asks you if you want to see a movie (or any other outing), tell her if it's friendship she wants, you'd be willing to try it -- but that includes follow-through. And if she has any respect for you, in the future, she'll cancel only when there's an emergency. And be firm about it! You made an error in judgment over your reaction to your girl being text by another guy, but that doesn't, now, make you a doormat. Girls like guys who have a strong sense of self-worth, and when they see that lacking, it's easy to wipe their feet on them.
