- Home
- Relationships - Teens
- Does No Mean No?
Does No Mean No?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/24/2010
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily:
I started to date this young man, and it lasted 2 weeks. He pursed me the whole time. He then decided that he was not ready for a serious relationship because he was leaving for school, and decided to break things off which was fine -- until 2 weeks later when he texted me informing me that his good friend was in a accident on life support. I talked to him and consoled him, but I was confused. Why did he tell me? He broke things off? Why come to me with something so personal? I should have been the last person he came to. After that we stopped talking and, a month later, he came back asking to hang out before he left for school. I said "no" but he kept asking, and I finally gave in and went to see him. Anyway, while I was with him he said he really wanted to see me before he left and that we could keep in touch. I told him "no" that we couldn't that once he left, we would become each others past, and I tried to explain that it's okay. It's life! People move on, and meet new people. He responded by saying " Yeah, but you don't know where you're going to be in 2 years." I was confused, and he kept saying he cared and that I was different -- that I was just like him and he wanted to know 3 things about me no one else knew. I told him one thing, and it was something so personal... I wish now I'd never told him, but I did and I know he will never forget what I told him. I wanted to be just a hookup girl, but now I can't be. I opened up to him, and that's what he wanted. He left for school I never said good-bye, and it's been a month since I have talked to him. I can't! I just want him to stay away, and never contact me, again, because if he stays away -- so does what I told him. Do you think that I am being practical? Or will he be back?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
He may be back, but it's your decision whether you see him, again. But I am confused, by him and you! I understand that he made this major proclamation -- "It's off, because I'm leaving for school," but he backed down. I think he was initially following a certain mindset -- the same way you did when you said, "No," we aren't going to see each other," etc., and you saw him, anyway. You two are alike in that sense! What you told him was nothing more than a statement about a certain feeling you had -- which is often subject to change. If that's why you wouldn't want to see him, again, and "it stays with him because he stays away," I don't think that should hold all the importance you think it does. By now, he probably has moved on. But if he does call, again, because he likes you, decide then if you want to stop with the absolutes, or remain firm. In the future, keep personal stuff close to the vest until you are sure trust is no longer an issue. As well, be open to some flexibility in your life. I hate it when I make a statement like "I'll never do that." I, sometimes, end up doing it and, then, spend a great deal of time wiping the egg off my face.
I started to date this young man, and it lasted 2 weeks. He pursed me the whole time. He then decided that he was not ready for a serious relationship because he was leaving for school, and decided to break things off which was fine -- until 2 weeks later when he texted me informing me that his good friend was in a accident on life support. I talked to him and consoled him, but I was confused. Why did he tell me? He broke things off? Why come to me with something so personal? I should have been the last person he came to. After that we stopped talking and, a month later, he came back asking to hang out before he left for school. I said "no" but he kept asking, and I finally gave in and went to see him. Anyway, while I was with him he said he really wanted to see me before he left and that we could keep in touch. I told him "no" that we couldn't that once he left, we would become each others past, and I tried to explain that it's okay. It's life! People move on, and meet new people. He responded by saying " Yeah, but you don't know where you're going to be in 2 years." I was confused, and he kept saying he cared and that I was different -- that I was just like him and he wanted to know 3 things about me no one else knew. I told him one thing, and it was something so personal... I wish now I'd never told him, but I did and I know he will never forget what I told him. I wanted to be just a hookup girl, but now I can't be. I opened up to him, and that's what he wanted. He left for school I never said good-bye, and it's been a month since I have talked to him. I can't! I just want him to stay away, and never contact me, again, because if he stays away -- so does what I told him. Do you think that I am being practical? Or will he be back?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
He may be back, but it's your decision whether you see him, again. But I am confused, by him and you! I understand that he made this major proclamation -- "It's off, because I'm leaving for school," but he backed down. I think he was initially following a certain mindset -- the same way you did when you said, "No," we aren't going to see each other," etc., and you saw him, anyway. You two are alike in that sense! What you told him was nothing more than a statement about a certain feeling you had -- which is often subject to change. If that's why you wouldn't want to see him, again, and "it stays with him because he stays away," I don't think that should hold all the importance you think it does. By now, he probably has moved on. But if he does call, again, because he likes you, decide then if you want to stop with the absolutes, or remain firm. In the future, keep personal stuff close to the vest until you are sure trust is no longer an issue. As well, be open to some flexibility in your life. I hate it when I make a statement like "I'll never do that." I, sometimes, end up doing it and, then, spend a great deal of time wiping the egg off my face.
