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Boyfriend Still Has Feelings For His Baby's Mama?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/22/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Emily:
Hi. I just need some advice about my current relationship. I have known this guy for almost a year now, and we have had an on and off relationship but for the past 6 months have been really good. I and definitely in love with him and we have a great time together -- but the one thing i have a hard time dealing with is his ex girlfriend because she has his baby. They went for like 5years, and they tried working things out, but he says they would never get back together. But i am very jealous of her, because i know they have all that history and, well, she has his baby! I am kind of a secret to her, she knows about me, but i don't know if she knows we're together now. But he always says he doesn't tell her because he wants to be able to see his daughter. He like recently bought her a car because he said it was so his daughter is in a safe car. Also i recently found pictures of them kissing, but he said he was feeling really messed up and confused because he left recently to go to Florida to go to school, and he felt bad leaving his daughter. I understand they need to have some sort of relationship, but at the same time sometimes it seems like they are still so close. He tries to reassure me that there's nothing between them except they have a daughter together. They honestly really dont talk that much. I know that, but I don't know, i just still have this insecurity and she is best friends with his sister, so any family stuff i can never go to because she'll be there. His family knows about me, but at the same time i feel like something isn't right. I guess I'm just trying to figure out why I'm so insecure about her and there relationship.
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------
I understand your concern, because there have been no set boundaries with his ex. This woman cannot keep him from his child because he has a relationship with you. He has rights as a parent. I would reconsider investing any more time in this relationship until you are sure he's not subconsciously hoping for a possible reconciliation with the mother of his child, and is willing to expose you to his family, and her! When he says "never" that's a long time. She may not want to be with him (you can't know for sure), but that doesn't mean he's straight with it. The kissing pictures are an example of the confusion he admitted existed in his mind. And even if it boils down to fear and guilt with her and his child, it creates a lack of security you want from him. His ex is an integral part of his family, and that, too, is unlikely to change. No matter what, this child is his, and they will both be in his life for a long time to come.
Hi. I just need some advice about my current relationship. I have known this guy for almost a year now, and we have had an on and off relationship but for the past 6 months have been really good. I and definitely in love with him and we have a great time together -- but the one thing i have a hard time dealing with is his ex girlfriend because she has his baby. They went for like 5years, and they tried working things out, but he says they would never get back together. But i am very jealous of her, because i know they have all that history and, well, she has his baby! I am kind of a secret to her, she knows about me, but i don't know if she knows we're together now. But he always says he doesn't tell her because he wants to be able to see his daughter. He like recently bought her a car because he said it was so his daughter is in a safe car. Also i recently found pictures of them kissing, but he said he was feeling really messed up and confused because he left recently to go to Florida to go to school, and he felt bad leaving his daughter. I understand they need to have some sort of relationship, but at the same time sometimes it seems like they are still so close. He tries to reassure me that there's nothing between them except they have a daughter together. They honestly really dont talk that much. I know that, but I don't know, i just still have this insecurity and she is best friends with his sister, so any family stuff i can never go to because she'll be there. His family knows about me, but at the same time i feel like something isn't right. I guess I'm just trying to figure out why I'm so insecure about her and there relationship.
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------
I understand your concern, because there have been no set boundaries with his ex. This woman cannot keep him from his child because he has a relationship with you. He has rights as a parent. I would reconsider investing any more time in this relationship until you are sure he's not subconsciously hoping for a possible reconciliation with the mother of his child, and is willing to expose you to his family, and her! When he says "never" that's a long time. She may not want to be with him (you can't know for sure), but that doesn't mean he's straight with it. The kissing pictures are an example of the confusion he admitted existed in his mind. And even if it boils down to fear and guilt with her and his child, it creates a lack of security you want from him. His ex is an integral part of his family, and that, too, is unlikely to change. No matter what, this child is his, and they will both be in his life for a long time to come.
