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He Wants Ex-wife Back
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/22/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I was married for twenty years and went through something in my life that caused to go outside my marriage. I ended up divorced and marrying the woman I had an affair with. We have been married for a year now and i am still contacting my ex wife begging to come home. I haven't left the relationship I am currently in because she is very good to me and I don't want to hurt her. And if I could get past my ex, I think I could be happy with her. But the more i pull away from my ex, the more I want her back. We have three kids together and I just want to be home with them. She is in another relationship, now, and after so many times of telling her I want to come home, and doing nothing about it, she won't speak to me anymore. I have to find a solution to this before it destroys me. I have been divorced for four years and everyday it's all I have been able to think about. I can't work or sleep and I am very miserable.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
You seem to be fixated on the idea that all will be fine if you can just get your old life back -- but that seems like a pipe dream, at best, because a lot has happened in these last four years and you can't erase it. If your ex won't speak to you, now, it's because she's annoyed by your behavior, and she sees no future for you and her. Part guilt, part ego, part nostalgia on your end -- call it what you will -- but you didn't mention that you are still "in love" with your ex, and that tells me there is hope for you and your current wife. You said you think you could have a happy relationship with her if you can get past your ex, but it's more about the loss of family, isn't it? If there is a chance of having a child with your current wife, that could help you move forward. All this said, if you can't be the husband your present wife deserves, end the marriage. Life can be a gamble in many respects, but you've been at the craps table for too long. Make up your mind to commit to her, or leave her. It's horribly unfair to her to have a husband who is living a lie, and pining for the mother of his children, and the family he had with her. But don't be hasty! I think there's a quality to what you have, now, if you can just get your head out of your rear end. You've had two good women in your life, and I'm not sure you'd be that lucky a third time.
I was married for twenty years and went through something in my life that caused to go outside my marriage. I ended up divorced and marrying the woman I had an affair with. We have been married for a year now and i am still contacting my ex wife begging to come home. I haven't left the relationship I am currently in because she is very good to me and I don't want to hurt her. And if I could get past my ex, I think I could be happy with her. But the more i pull away from my ex, the more I want her back. We have three kids together and I just want to be home with them. She is in another relationship, now, and after so many times of telling her I want to come home, and doing nothing about it, she won't speak to me anymore. I have to find a solution to this before it destroys me. I have been divorced for four years and everyday it's all I have been able to think about. I can't work or sleep and I am very miserable.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
You seem to be fixated on the idea that all will be fine if you can just get your old life back -- but that seems like a pipe dream, at best, because a lot has happened in these last four years and you can't erase it. If your ex won't speak to you, now, it's because she's annoyed by your behavior, and she sees no future for you and her. Part guilt, part ego, part nostalgia on your end -- call it what you will -- but you didn't mention that you are still "in love" with your ex, and that tells me there is hope for you and your current wife. You said you think you could have a happy relationship with her if you can get past your ex, but it's more about the loss of family, isn't it? If there is a chance of having a child with your current wife, that could help you move forward. All this said, if you can't be the husband your present wife deserves, end the marriage. Life can be a gamble in many respects, but you've been at the craps table for too long. Make up your mind to commit to her, or leave her. It's horribly unfair to her to have a husband who is living a lie, and pining for the mother of his children, and the family he had with her. But don't be hasty! I think there's a quality to what you have, now, if you can just get your head out of your rear end. You've had two good women in your life, and I'm not sure you'd be that lucky a third time.
