Dear Miss Emily:

My ex boyfriend and I have been separated for 9 years after being together for 2 years. We have a nine year old son together. The reason we split was because he was 19 and I was 22. He was immature and not ready to be a dad. My ex  has a girlfriend who he has been with for 9 years and has 3 kids with her. In September of 2009 my ex and I started talking again. I informed him on how he son wanted to see him. My ex and I started talking about our past and things that we did. He explained to me that he still has feelings for me. That he misses holding and kissing me and that he wanted to have sex with me one last time w/o anyone finding out. I informed him at that point I would not have sex with him while still with his girlfriend.  In July of 2010 we started talking again. He made it clear to me that he does not want to be tied down. Whatever that means? He also told me that he does not know if he is with his girlfriend because he loves her or because of the kids. My ex has told me that his girlfriend will not allow him to do anything with his son while I have him. Apparently she is very jealous of me. On July 14, 2010 my ex asked me to be friends but wanted fwb. So we have been fwb ever since July. My ex and I text each other on a daily basis. He has even sent me pictures of himself and wants to take pictures of me. He has told me that he no longer has pictures of his girlfriend. He explained to me that we need to keep our "friends with benefits" a secret. He is afraid if his girlfriend finds out he will lose his job because her parents are high up in the company where he works for, he will lose his money, and kids. He wants to keep our fwb going until his girfriend starts snooping around or asking questions. He wants pictures of me to remember me by, and to look at now and when we are no longer fwb. Is my ex confused? What does he want? What should I do?

-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------

What your ex wants is everything his way and, so far, you are accommodating him. You had me on your side when you said you wouldn't sleep with him unless he was no longer with his girlfriend but, then, suddenly, the next paragraph has you doing the very thing you didn't want to do. He's persuasive, and you seem pretty needy, and looking for attention (in all the wrong places).  FWB is a dicey game, because only the coolest of customers can pull that off without having strong feelings come into play. He's a baby making machine, that's for sure, but he doesn't see his first son, and this is because he'd be afraid of the trouble he'd get into if he were to stand-up and be a man? Yeah, okay, now we know where he's coming from. I wonder how your son is going to feel when, someday, he meets his gutless father and realizes that his dad raised three children under his roof, went on trips with them, went to their games, and he got -- nada from him. I don't like this guy, nor should you. Maybe he wasn't ready to be a dad at 19, and you let him off the hook, but fast-forward  to now, and he's got 3 other children at home, and I think he owes his son with you some time -- and your son is asking for him.  But, you, know, what's right and what's going on, here, are two different things. You may be a lovely outlet for some of his discontent (because, golly, he's confused about whether he loves his girlfriend, or just stays with her because of the kids), but you will not win at anything more than what he's offering, presently -- and that's sex and compliments, with a load full of B S on why he can't be a dad to your son, and why you and he have to sneak around for fear his girlfriend will go ballistic. Oh, and her parents could screw him to the wall if he hurts their little girl. Lovely! Now where does that leave you and, most importantly, where does it leave your son?