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- Black Sheep Speaks Out
Black Sheep Speaks Out
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/15/2010
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily:
I've always kind of been the black sheep in my family. I love them and want to stay on good terms with them, but I feel like I have to act like a totally different person around them. When I am with my friends, I have a good time, I don't feel like I have to hold back, and I can be myself. I guess I first started noticing this on Facebook. I am "Facebook friends" with both my family and my friends/acquaintances. But it feels like I constantly have to monitor what I am putting up and what my friends are saying. If I act like the "real me" around my family, I am looked down upon by them. They are very conservative, and I am more free-spirited and unconventional. I don't want their disapproval of me, because I know that I may need their support/advice later on in life. So in that respect I have a good bond with them. But I am barely 18 years old and getting ready to begin college, and I feel like I need this time to be young and explore! How do I be myself and live my life without shaming my family or hurting their feelings?
---------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------------
Welcome to the club! You pick your friends, not your family, and sometimes a child goes on to be a separate individual and not a clone of his, or her parents. You have every right to be true to yourself and, at the same time, remain respectful of family members. Facebook has many pros and cons, and one major con is that it offers a chance for everyone to know your business and, if you choose to accept that challenge, you also have to take the heat that goes with it. Another negative is that I understand employers often look at the Facebook accounts of potential employees. Do they really need to know you marched against a "Tea Party" rally in your hometown (as an example)? In my opinion, you have only two choices: forgo your Facebook page -- or temper what you say. I favor the former, because you have a cell, and you have e-mail, and you can be more forthcoming rather than having to limit your messages to boring, small talk -- like "I got my nails done, today, at the mall." You don't owe your family your soul, but you can learn how to diplomatic. You said you want their support in the future and, therefore, diplomacy is the operative word. You can live your life on your terms, if you understand that everything you do need not be everyone's business. In time, you'll learn to live your life the way you see fit, make apologies to none, and accept the fact you may never be the golden child, and that's all right. So you didn't turn out to be the conservative they prayed you would be, but you can control the situation by keeping some things private, some things only for your close friends to know and, at the same time, keep peace with your family.
I've always kind of been the black sheep in my family. I love them and want to stay on good terms with them, but I feel like I have to act like a totally different person around them. When I am with my friends, I have a good time, I don't feel like I have to hold back, and I can be myself. I guess I first started noticing this on Facebook. I am "Facebook friends" with both my family and my friends/acquaintances. But it feels like I constantly have to monitor what I am putting up and what my friends are saying. If I act like the "real me" around my family, I am looked down upon by them. They are very conservative, and I am more free-spirited and unconventional. I don't want their disapproval of me, because I know that I may need their support/advice later on in life. So in that respect I have a good bond with them. But I am barely 18 years old and getting ready to begin college, and I feel like I need this time to be young and explore! How do I be myself and live my life without shaming my family or hurting their feelings?
---------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------------
Welcome to the club! You pick your friends, not your family, and sometimes a child goes on to be a separate individual and not a clone of his, or her parents. You have every right to be true to yourself and, at the same time, remain respectful of family members. Facebook has many pros and cons, and one major con is that it offers a chance for everyone to know your business and, if you choose to accept that challenge, you also have to take the heat that goes with it. Another negative is that I understand employers often look at the Facebook accounts of potential employees. Do they really need to know you marched against a "Tea Party" rally in your hometown (as an example)? In my opinion, you have only two choices: forgo your Facebook page -- or temper what you say. I favor the former, because you have a cell, and you have e-mail, and you can be more forthcoming rather than having to limit your messages to boring, small talk -- like "I got my nails done, today, at the mall." You don't owe your family your soul, but you can learn how to diplomatic. You said you want their support in the future and, therefore, diplomacy is the operative word. You can live your life on your terms, if you understand that everything you do need not be everyone's business. In time, you'll learn to live your life the way you see fit, make apologies to none, and accept the fact you may never be the golden child, and that's all right. So you didn't turn out to be the conservative they prayed you would be, but you can control the situation by keeping some things private, some things only for your close friends to know and, at the same time, keep peace with your family.
