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Fiancee Is Troubled Over Lack Of Sex
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/15/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I am about to get married in 3 months time with my fiance whom I love very much, but I think we have a problem. We don't often make love, and 3 weeks go by without even a kiss. Before we used to be so intimate, but now everything is changed. We only get intimate if my fiance is under the influence of alcohol, otherwise we just sleep facing other sides. This has become a serious concern for me because, sometimes, he says to me he doesn't feel loved because I don't want sex from him -- but I'm not used to doing that because, before, he used to be the one who will always start everything -- but now all that has changed. Could he be getting it from somewhere else? How can I solve this problem?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
I can't tell you if he's getting it from somewhere else, but this issue is a huge problem and needs to be addressed before you marry him! I see no reason for you not to be the aggressor, some of the time -- that's a good thing -- but if he wanted to have sex, I know few men who would wait around for their mate to make the first move, or need alcohol to get there. Sit him down and tell him this needs to be worked out now, rather than after the marriage. If you can't do that, there's a lack of communication in this relationship that spells trouble ahead. Sex can become stale, and someone's true libido level can be revealed after the newness of the relationship wears off. That said, it takes two to be committed to finding solutions on this serious matter. Suggest a "couples" counseling session or two, if that is available where you live, or seek a doctor's advice. A third party can keep this discussion from falling into a mess of hurt feelings, and rising levels of insecurity. If that is out of the question, because you are afraid he will be hurt and offended by the idea, again, I don't see this marriage working out in your favor. Sex isn't everything in a marriage, but it's the intimacy of it that helps keep a couple bonded, and fulfilled.
I am about to get married in 3 months time with my fiance whom I love very much, but I think we have a problem. We don't often make love, and 3 weeks go by without even a kiss. Before we used to be so intimate, but now everything is changed. We only get intimate if my fiance is under the influence of alcohol, otherwise we just sleep facing other sides. This has become a serious concern for me because, sometimes, he says to me he doesn't feel loved because I don't want sex from him -- but I'm not used to doing that because, before, he used to be the one who will always start everything -- but now all that has changed. Could he be getting it from somewhere else? How can I solve this problem?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
I can't tell you if he's getting it from somewhere else, but this issue is a huge problem and needs to be addressed before you marry him! I see no reason for you not to be the aggressor, some of the time -- that's a good thing -- but if he wanted to have sex, I know few men who would wait around for their mate to make the first move, or need alcohol to get there. Sit him down and tell him this needs to be worked out now, rather than after the marriage. If you can't do that, there's a lack of communication in this relationship that spells trouble ahead. Sex can become stale, and someone's true libido level can be revealed after the newness of the relationship wears off. That said, it takes two to be committed to finding solutions on this serious matter. Suggest a "couples" counseling session or two, if that is available where you live, or seek a doctor's advice. A third party can keep this discussion from falling into a mess of hurt feelings, and rising levels of insecurity. If that is out of the question, because you are afraid he will be hurt and offended by the idea, again, I don't see this marriage working out in your favor. Sex isn't everything in a marriage, but it's the intimacy of it that helps keep a couple bonded, and fulfilled.
