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Relationship In Crisis Mode
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/13/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I just don't know if my boyfriend loves me anymore. We've been together for 4 years and have lived together for 2 years now. We've been having problems lately. Mostly what the problem is, is his attitude. It's like it's impossible for him to be sweet or nice to any degree. About a month ago, I finally told him I was packing up and leaving. He thought it was a good idea, too. But, then the next day, he called me to see if we could talk when I got off work. I went by the house and he said he made a mistake. He thought he wanted some space and some time apart, but he realized he doesn't. So, I thought there would be some change. But, so far nothing. I still feel like he's distant and like he just doesn't care what happens. I want to leave because it just doesn't seem like either of us are happy. But, when I try, he doesn't want that. What do I do? I don't know if I'm just afraid of being alone after so long.
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------
I think that's the problem -neither of you wants to be alone after being together four years. You and he have developed certain dependencies on each other, and that seems to override the fact you and he no longer have a workable, viable relationship. It takes two, as you well know, and he's not pulling his weight. I would tell him he has two choices: 1) Couples counseling (or he needs individual counseling to work on some personal problems that have tainted the relationship) that will help you decide if the relationship can work, any longer, or 2) You're moving out. Because, although he says he wants you to stay, the status quo is no longer acceptable. Don't waste any more time being indecisive. If this relationship is going to work for the long haul (marriage?), it will survive a "time out" -- and one where you give it ample time to be reflective, circumspect, introspective -- whatever you want to call it. But the time is right, because something is happening in the relationship, now, not later.
I just don't know if my boyfriend loves me anymore. We've been together for 4 years and have lived together for 2 years now. We've been having problems lately. Mostly what the problem is, is his attitude. It's like it's impossible for him to be sweet or nice to any degree. About a month ago, I finally told him I was packing up and leaving. He thought it was a good idea, too. But, then the next day, he called me to see if we could talk when I got off work. I went by the house and he said he made a mistake. He thought he wanted some space and some time apart, but he realized he doesn't. So, I thought there would be some change. But, so far nothing. I still feel like he's distant and like he just doesn't care what happens. I want to leave because it just doesn't seem like either of us are happy. But, when I try, he doesn't want that. What do I do? I don't know if I'm just afraid of being alone after so long.
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------
I think that's the problem -neither of you wants to be alone after being together four years. You and he have developed certain dependencies on each other, and that seems to override the fact you and he no longer have a workable, viable relationship. It takes two, as you well know, and he's not pulling his weight. I would tell him he has two choices: 1) Couples counseling (or he needs individual counseling to work on some personal problems that have tainted the relationship) that will help you decide if the relationship can work, any longer, or 2) You're moving out. Because, although he says he wants you to stay, the status quo is no longer acceptable. Don't waste any more time being indecisive. If this relationship is going to work for the long haul (marriage?), it will survive a "time out" -- and one where you give it ample time to be reflective, circumspect, introspective -- whatever you want to call it. But the time is right, because something is happening in the relationship, now, not later.
