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Best To Take A Break
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/12/2010
- Relationships - Women
Hi Emily,
I've been with my boyfriend for two years. last night we had a really big argument where it ended him saying he doesn't know whether he wants to be with me it began over him not knowing where something was -- sounds silly but i believe he has been making something out of nothing. So I'll end it, and he won't have to. All i want to do is cry. He also told me he knows I'm in love with him more then he with me. He started to feel bad, comforted me when i said "no" then claimed we'll get through our problems ... our problems are that one day i want kids and would love to get married to the man i love. He wants kids (no marriage), but not for a long time -- which i accepted a long time ago. I don't know how to get past it all. I don't want to lose him, but i also don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me! As an added confession, i slept with someone who i never liked, when me and my boyfriend first started dating. He doesn't know it's eating me up, and I've become paranoid that he'll do the same please. Help me.
-----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
Ditch the guilt about sleeping with someone else when you first started dating him. It was an error in judgment, but if you divulge that information, now, it muddy the waters, needlessly, and it's really irrelevant. That episode has nothing to do with what's going on in your life, today. Some things can simply be kept between you and . . . .you. Remember that! So I vote for keeping the lip zipped on that score. I think your boyfriend is frustrated, so anything can send him off. He probably feels a great responsibility -- and some guilt, perhaps -- in not giving you what you want, and the relationship is at a standstill. I am also not going to discount the possibility that he has met someone else, as well. But if you ever have a chance of working this out, I'd spend some time apart -- although if you are determined to break if off with him, that would be a given. I'm sure you think that might really be the death knell for this relationship but, being together, with unresolved issues hanging over your heads, is only making matters worse. If a time-out ends the relationship, it was headed that way no matter what choice you made. But giving him space to (and it may be a long shot) re-evaluate his position, I think, can only be done from a distance. Matters of the heart are often painful (my mantra), and there are few who go unscathed. But if you truly want marriage with kids, and he remains firm on his stance, this wasn't going to work for the long-haul, anyway. Better to get that down, now, than hoping for, what could be considered, a miracle.
I've been with my boyfriend for two years. last night we had a really big argument where it ended him saying he doesn't know whether he wants to be with me it began over him not knowing where something was -- sounds silly but i believe he has been making something out of nothing. So I'll end it, and he won't have to. All i want to do is cry. He also told me he knows I'm in love with him more then he with me. He started to feel bad, comforted me when i said "no" then claimed we'll get through our problems ... our problems are that one day i want kids and would love to get married to the man i love. He wants kids (no marriage), but not for a long time -- which i accepted a long time ago. I don't know how to get past it all. I don't want to lose him, but i also don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me! As an added confession, i slept with someone who i never liked, when me and my boyfriend first started dating. He doesn't know it's eating me up, and I've become paranoid that he'll do the same please. Help me.
-----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
Ditch the guilt about sleeping with someone else when you first started dating him. It was an error in judgment, but if you divulge that information, now, it muddy the waters, needlessly, and it's really irrelevant. That episode has nothing to do with what's going on in your life, today. Some things can simply be kept between you and . . . .you. Remember that! So I vote for keeping the lip zipped on that score. I think your boyfriend is frustrated, so anything can send him off. He probably feels a great responsibility -- and some guilt, perhaps -- in not giving you what you want, and the relationship is at a standstill. I am also not going to discount the possibility that he has met someone else, as well. But if you ever have a chance of working this out, I'd spend some time apart -- although if you are determined to break if off with him, that would be a given. I'm sure you think that might really be the death knell for this relationship but, being together, with unresolved issues hanging over your heads, is only making matters worse. If a time-out ends the relationship, it was headed that way no matter what choice you made. But giving him space to (and it may be a long shot) re-evaluate his position, I think, can only be done from a distance. Matters of the heart are often painful (my mantra), and there are few who go unscathed. But if you truly want marriage with kids, and he remains firm on his stance, this wasn't going to work for the long-haul, anyway. Better to get that down, now, than hoping for, what could be considered, a miracle.
