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Her Parents Are The Fly In The Ointment
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/5/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I'm 20 years old and I'm dating a girl who is only 17. We have been dating for over a year now. At first her parents approved of me with no problem, until one day she lied about her whereabouts. She told her parents she was somewhere else, while she really was with me. Her parents saw me drop her off at home and immediately knew she had lied to them about where she was. They made her call me and tell me she could not date me, or speak with me anymore. We didn't listen. She acquired a job on commission to be with me. She would tell them she was working in order to come spend time with me. Time went on and we had the most wonderful and perfect relationship without her parents knowing a thing. One day she quit the commission job and acquired an hourly job. It was then nearly impossible for us to spend time together. Her parents calculated her pay checks. We broke up and said we would just be friends and maybe one day we would get back together. Being her friend was driving me insane, and I kind of pushed the idea of a relationship on her again, and again. She eventually tired of this and we broke things off on bad terms. Do you think there is anyway I can fix my relationship with her parents, and is there a way to fix what I have done to her and I relationship? I just want some kind advice period, because I honestly don't what to do at all.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems unlikely you can get this girl's parents to see things differently. They have tremendous control over her life and, I suppose, they think as long as she lives under their roof, she abides by their rules. One of them being -- she doesn't see you. I think you should tell her you truly understand her dilemma, but it doesn't diminish your love for her. Right now, however, she simply cannot give you what you want (and she may want) under the circumstances. Pressuring her was not the best approach, obviously, but human. Backing off is your only recourse. Keep friendly communication with her to remind her that you still have feelings, but you no longer will ask her to choose (and indirectly you have) between you and her parents. That's really all you can do and see if, in time, she has more freedom from her parents rule and wants to revisit the relationship on her terms. I suspect college is on the horizon and her parents are looking at her need to focus on that? All this said, I think she still cares a great deal for you, but pushing you away was the only thing she could do to eliminate the horrible frustration of being caught in the middle.
I'm 20 years old and I'm dating a girl who is only 17. We have been dating for over a year now. At first her parents approved of me with no problem, until one day she lied about her whereabouts. She told her parents she was somewhere else, while she really was with me. Her parents saw me drop her off at home and immediately knew she had lied to them about where she was. They made her call me and tell me she could not date me, or speak with me anymore. We didn't listen. She acquired a job on commission to be with me. She would tell them she was working in order to come spend time with me. Time went on and we had the most wonderful and perfect relationship without her parents knowing a thing. One day she quit the commission job and acquired an hourly job. It was then nearly impossible for us to spend time together. Her parents calculated her pay checks. We broke up and said we would just be friends and maybe one day we would get back together. Being her friend was driving me insane, and I kind of pushed the idea of a relationship on her again, and again. She eventually tired of this and we broke things off on bad terms. Do you think there is anyway I can fix my relationship with her parents, and is there a way to fix what I have done to her and I relationship? I just want some kind advice period, because I honestly don't what to do at all.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems unlikely you can get this girl's parents to see things differently. They have tremendous control over her life and, I suppose, they think as long as she lives under their roof, she abides by their rules. One of them being -- she doesn't see you. I think you should tell her you truly understand her dilemma, but it doesn't diminish your love for her. Right now, however, she simply cannot give you what you want (and she may want) under the circumstances. Pressuring her was not the best approach, obviously, but human. Backing off is your only recourse. Keep friendly communication with her to remind her that you still have feelings, but you no longer will ask her to choose (and indirectly you have) between you and her parents. That's really all you can do and see if, in time, she has more freedom from her parents rule and wants to revisit the relationship on her terms. I suspect college is on the horizon and her parents are looking at her need to focus on that? All this said, I think she still cares a great deal for you, but pushing you away was the only thing she could do to eliminate the horrible frustration of being caught in the middle.
