Dear Miss Emily:

Hello, I'm a girl who's recently turning twenty and this past summer the person I've secretly been talking to on MSN online recently got married. I've known this guy for 3-4 years and never really admitted to liking him. We flirted on and off, and it seemed like my life seemed to revolve around those conversations. I can't even remember what it was like before him. But this summer he, out of the blue, met someone else and got married in a hurricane of a wedding (was engaged less than three weeks). I want to say that he didn't love me enough to wait for me when I finished school, but I''m still having a hard time forgetting about him. My family and friends don't even know how I really feel about him. And I don't really know what to do, because I see his wedding photos and everything on facebook (he posts these things indifferently). Our relationship has been kind of secret and, now, I don't want to go chasing after a newly married man. But my life seems to suck without him. I would greatly appreciate any advice.

-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------

I don't think this is all that uncommon when the relationship is strictly Internet. Trust issues are hard enough to conquer in the best circumstances. But in this particular case, you never admitted to him that you liked him, he made no promises to you; and although he got married rather suddenly, he is no longer available in your dreams -- or reality. I am willing to admit that he had some role in this because I think when a relationship is carried on this long, there are expectations -- and that is natural. You did not have any idea that he would run out and get married, as well, be so incredibly cavalier about the connection he had with you. I don't think there's any magic wand you can wave to get over this sooner, rather than later. It would be smart to keep with the facts, however. You put a tremendous amount of faith in a relationship that, realistically, had no commitment attached to it, nor were any future plans made. I don't know if he had any idea of what your relationship with him truly meant to you -- but if he did, he handled this very poorly. Again, Internet relationships are not always what they seem. In time, I hope you are able to find a place for this, learn from it, and not harbor resentment. Matters of the heart are often fraught with pain, and you've learned a hard lesson. It's my advice that you accept what you cannot change, and seek comfort (verbally, or non-verbally) in the relationships you have at home. Consider meeting someone local -- a man you can see, touch and go through the typical progression of a relationship in real time, and not through the use of technology.