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Brotherly Love Gets Tested
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/27/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I have a best friend who I have been best friends with forever. I trust him with everything as he does with me. He is like a brother to me and we have always been as close as best friends can possibly be. He dated this girl in high school, she was 15 and he was 17. It was a typical high school relationship lasting about 5 months or so...they broke up and he went to college and had 2 serious relationships after that, as did she. Its been 7 years now and neither of them have talked since the break up 7 years prior. She and I had begin flirting a little. I had asked my best friend if it would be ok to go out with her, one night, and he responded that it would be ok with him. I thought it was a little strange to even ask since it has been 7 years and they have not even spoken a word to each other in that time but he is my best friend and felt i still owed him that. He said it was ok and we went out on a date. We completely hit it off like I have never experienced before, and she felt the same way. A week later, he tells me he has a problem with it and it is making him upset. I felt I did the right thing in asking him in the beginning and feel it is a little late for him to be telling me this. Also I feel it is foolish to tell her that a boyfriend she had when she was 15 (now 22) and hasn't spoken to since, has a problem with it...it is not fair to her. In addition to this, he is currently in a serious relationship...i dont get it!?! It has been about a month and a half now and my best friend and I seem to talk less...he tells me he is just busy, but I do not think that is it. He said he just wants me to know that it makes him uncomfortable, and he is not ok with it but a girl will never come between us...i feel that has happened...what should i do???
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
Yes, this has come between you and him, despite the fact he's telling you otherwise. He's being totally unfair, because the circumstances do not dictate this kind of possessiveness. I would weather the storm by continuing to date this girl, and accept that he's being unreasonable. You can't dump this girl because his fragile ego can't handle it! They were together five months, not five years -- seven years ago, and it's lost on me the nerve he is exhibiting.You are seeing a side of him that you did not know he had in him. If this damages your relationship, irreparably, it's his fault. This brotherly friendship is being tested, like they often are, but you'd be foolish not to hold your ground. What you are doing is right, and it was sanctioned by him from the get-go. In my opinion, he needs to grow up. But that's between him, and him. You stay out of it.
I have a best friend who I have been best friends with forever. I trust him with everything as he does with me. He is like a brother to me and we have always been as close as best friends can possibly be. He dated this girl in high school, she was 15 and he was 17. It was a typical high school relationship lasting about 5 months or so...they broke up and he went to college and had 2 serious relationships after that, as did she. Its been 7 years now and neither of them have talked since the break up 7 years prior. She and I had begin flirting a little. I had asked my best friend if it would be ok to go out with her, one night, and he responded that it would be ok with him. I thought it was a little strange to even ask since it has been 7 years and they have not even spoken a word to each other in that time but he is my best friend and felt i still owed him that. He said it was ok and we went out on a date. We completely hit it off like I have never experienced before, and she felt the same way. A week later, he tells me he has a problem with it and it is making him upset. I felt I did the right thing in asking him in the beginning and feel it is a little late for him to be telling me this. Also I feel it is foolish to tell her that a boyfriend she had when she was 15 (now 22) and hasn't spoken to since, has a problem with it...it is not fair to her. In addition to this, he is currently in a serious relationship...i dont get it!?! It has been about a month and a half now and my best friend and I seem to talk less...he tells me he is just busy, but I do not think that is it. He said he just wants me to know that it makes him uncomfortable, and he is not ok with it but a girl will never come between us...i feel that has happened...what should i do???
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
Yes, this has come between you and him, despite the fact he's telling you otherwise. He's being totally unfair, because the circumstances do not dictate this kind of possessiveness. I would weather the storm by continuing to date this girl, and accept that he's being unreasonable. You can't dump this girl because his fragile ego can't handle it! They were together five months, not five years -- seven years ago, and it's lost on me the nerve he is exhibiting.You are seeing a side of him that you did not know he had in him. If this damages your relationship, irreparably, it's his fault. This brotherly friendship is being tested, like they often are, but you'd be foolish not to hold your ground. What you are doing is right, and it was sanctioned by him from the get-go. In my opinion, he needs to grow up. But that's between him, and him. You stay out of it.
