- Home
- Relationships - Women
- How Much Sex In A Relationship?
How Much Sex In A Relationship?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/23/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I've been together with a guy for about nine months and things are mostly going great. About two months ago, we started living together, and the amount of sex just dropped off (from 2-3 times a night to 1-3 times a week AND it's gotten much shorter). I've brought it up with him and he thinks it's normal and says he's happy with the relationship. But I'm not happy, and as much as I've tried to convince myself to not be upset about this change, I am. I don't expect things to go back to the way they were, before, but I think it's reasonable to have sex for more than 10 minutes 1-3 times a week. I've tried initiating sex, but that hasn't worked, so I think I need to be more direct. He's also of the opinion that women want less sex than men, so I'm afraid that bringing this up will make him feel inadequate. How do I even begin this conversation?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
Yes, I agree, to maintain sex 2 to 3 times a night is unrealistic. But you two definitely don't see eye-to-eye, and he is wrong to assume that women always want sex less than men. Women do want more meaningful sex, however, and I think that's the main problem here. But men are people, too, and not all of them can sustain a rabid sex life, especially if stresses of everyday life creep into their psyche. I do think you deserve a heart-to-heart over this, and that's how I would approach it with him. Tell him that in no way do you want to make him feel inadequate, but you only want to address the issue of compatibility and compromise. If he doesn't see the need to work with you, or figures he's doing his part and you just need to hop on board, I'm afraid this relationship will not endure. Sex wanes in many relationships, and some couples simply adjust. But if his libido, ultimately, doesn't measure up to yours, then I see you looking to find that guy who does. Sex isn't the only thing that makes a relationship work, but it is the intimacy which comes from it that can give it lasting strength.
I've been together with a guy for about nine months and things are mostly going great. About two months ago, we started living together, and the amount of sex just dropped off (from 2-3 times a night to 1-3 times a week AND it's gotten much shorter). I've brought it up with him and he thinks it's normal and says he's happy with the relationship. But I'm not happy, and as much as I've tried to convince myself to not be upset about this change, I am. I don't expect things to go back to the way they were, before, but I think it's reasonable to have sex for more than 10 minutes 1-3 times a week. I've tried initiating sex, but that hasn't worked, so I think I need to be more direct. He's also of the opinion that women want less sex than men, so I'm afraid that bringing this up will make him feel inadequate. How do I even begin this conversation?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
Yes, I agree, to maintain sex 2 to 3 times a night is unrealistic. But you two definitely don't see eye-to-eye, and he is wrong to assume that women always want sex less than men. Women do want more meaningful sex, however, and I think that's the main problem here. But men are people, too, and not all of them can sustain a rabid sex life, especially if stresses of everyday life creep into their psyche. I do think you deserve a heart-to-heart over this, and that's how I would approach it with him. Tell him that in no way do you want to make him feel inadequate, but you only want to address the issue of compatibility and compromise. If he doesn't see the need to work with you, or figures he's doing his part and you just need to hop on board, I'm afraid this relationship will not endure. Sex wanes in many relationships, and some couples simply adjust. But if his libido, ultimately, doesn't measure up to yours, then I see you looking to find that guy who does. Sex isn't the only thing that makes a relationship work, but it is the intimacy which comes from it that can give it lasting strength.
