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One Man, Always and Forever?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/23/2010
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
My boyfriend and I have been together since age 16, we're both now 25. That's right, we made it through high school, college, and are now currently in grad school-never broke up even once-he's the only boy/man I've ever kissed and I'm the only woman he's ever been with as well. We were living together (for 2yrs), but have recently decided to live separately, and are technically separated (however, we still see each other on an almost daily basis). The pushing reason for our separation is my anxiety over the fact that we've never been with anyone else, or even been on our own as adults-I love him and he's truly my best friend, but I don't want to look back on my life and feel like I didn't experience these things and end up feeling resentment towards him or simply regret. SO-on to my question-how can I let go of this need to know about the unknown and just trust in my relationship with him?
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
Right now, I don't think you can let go of your need to experience other things. If he's willing to see this through, I would test the separation a while longer before jumping back into what you know. You have to feel this is totally right for you -- being with him permanently, or this may continue to be a challenge for you and him in the future. But one thing I do know, is that some of these relationships are the most enduring I have seen. I knew a couple much like you. They, too, started in high school, married and have two children in college. They are the envy of all their friends. And so I asked them, "Did you ever break up?" And they had (for the same reason you mention), and easily found their way back to each other once other waters were tested. They have a solid friendship and are true partners in the marriage. And that's what marriage is all about. It's knowing that the person you chose is in it 100%. There is trust, devotion, respect, and a deep abiding love. That is too rare in our society. And although I am not a promoter of marriage as the only legitimate lifestyle for adults, when two people make that commitment -- and especially when children are part of the equation, it's best, for all concerned, to remain a cohesive unit. You didn't mention marriage, but I assume that is where you and he are headed if this "trial" separation serves only to lead you back to having a committed relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been together since age 16, we're both now 25. That's right, we made it through high school, college, and are now currently in grad school-never broke up even once-he's the only boy/man I've ever kissed and I'm the only woman he's ever been with as well. We were living together (for 2yrs), but have recently decided to live separately, and are technically separated (however, we still see each other on an almost daily basis). The pushing reason for our separation is my anxiety over the fact that we've never been with anyone else, or even been on our own as adults-I love him and he's truly my best friend, but I don't want to look back on my life and feel like I didn't experience these things and end up feeling resentment towards him or simply regret. SO-on to my question-how can I let go of this need to know about the unknown and just trust in my relationship with him?
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
Right now, I don't think you can let go of your need to experience other things. If he's willing to see this through, I would test the separation a while longer before jumping back into what you know. You have to feel this is totally right for you -- being with him permanently, or this may continue to be a challenge for you and him in the future. But one thing I do know, is that some of these relationships are the most enduring I have seen. I knew a couple much like you. They, too, started in high school, married and have two children in college. They are the envy of all their friends. And so I asked them, "Did you ever break up?" And they had (for the same reason you mention), and easily found their way back to each other once other waters were tested. They have a solid friendship and are true partners in the marriage. And that's what marriage is all about. It's knowing that the person you chose is in it 100%. There is trust, devotion, respect, and a deep abiding love. That is too rare in our society. And although I am not a promoter of marriage as the only legitimate lifestyle for adults, when two people make that commitment -- and especially when children are part of the equation, it's best, for all concerned, to remain a cohesive unit. You didn't mention marriage, but I assume that is where you and he are headed if this "trial" separation serves only to lead you back to having a committed relationship.
