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She Wants The Freedom To Put Herself First
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/11/2010
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. Everything has been perfect. We have been great together. We have never had any fights, but there is the occasional minor argument that just fortifies the relationship. We just moved into a three bedroom house with one of my friends. I am in college and my girlfriend graduated and has a job now. Lately she has been stressed when she comes home. I would try to help her get relief when she was acting this way. It seemed to be alright. Well I finally got it out of her that her feelings have changed for the time being. She said she really can't be with me right now because she has been thinking after work about wanting to put herself first and have her space. She said she feels obligated to make sure I get everything and am content then worries about her later. I said I can help her change that, but she said it is just her personality and it can't change. She said she has always put her parents first when she was younger, her niece now that she has been born, and her relationship that lasted 6 years before ours. She said she has never taken care of herself before and wants to do so for a change. She says she still loves me and cares for me so much. She told me to trust her and that everything will work out. Iam just devastated right now because it feels like I went from an excellent relationship to someone who wants to be on their own for a while. I feel like I have lost a part of my heart. Can you please help me? I would like advice on how to give my girlfriend the space and time she needs, but I want to still have that opportunity to be back together with her later on. Thanks.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
Is she going to continue to stay in the home you rent with your friend? If so, that's not a good idea. I understand how she feels if, indeed, her words are sincere and accurate. But the truth is this: She doesn't think you and she can make it work knowing how she feels, be it job stresses, a need to "find herself" or... and here it comes -- someone else who has come into the picture? I'm not saying that she has met someone else, but it is a slight possibility now that she's started full-time employment and is exposed to the "big world" outside the confines of a college romance. I feel horrible for you, because this came as a huge blow. But whatever the reasons for her need to separate herself from you, you have no choice but to comply and see what happens after she gets on with her life -- on her terms. In the meantime, no matter the hurt, show her that you are a self-confident, mature man who is able to go on with your life despite this wicked turn of events.
I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. Everything has been perfect. We have been great together. We have never had any fights, but there is the occasional minor argument that just fortifies the relationship. We just moved into a three bedroom house with one of my friends. I am in college and my girlfriend graduated and has a job now. Lately she has been stressed when she comes home. I would try to help her get relief when she was acting this way. It seemed to be alright. Well I finally got it out of her that her feelings have changed for the time being. She said she really can't be with me right now because she has been thinking after work about wanting to put herself first and have her space. She said she feels obligated to make sure I get everything and am content then worries about her later. I said I can help her change that, but she said it is just her personality and it can't change. She said she has always put her parents first when she was younger, her niece now that she has been born, and her relationship that lasted 6 years before ours. She said she has never taken care of herself before and wants to do so for a change. She says she still loves me and cares for me so much. She told me to trust her and that everything will work out. Iam just devastated right now because it feels like I went from an excellent relationship to someone who wants to be on their own for a while. I feel like I have lost a part of my heart. Can you please help me? I would like advice on how to give my girlfriend the space and time she needs, but I want to still have that opportunity to be back together with her later on. Thanks.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
Is she going to continue to stay in the home you rent with your friend? If so, that's not a good idea. I understand how she feels if, indeed, her words are sincere and accurate. But the truth is this: She doesn't think you and she can make it work knowing how she feels, be it job stresses, a need to "find herself" or... and here it comes -- someone else who has come into the picture? I'm not saying that she has met someone else, but it is a slight possibility now that she's started full-time employment and is exposed to the "big world" outside the confines of a college romance. I feel horrible for you, because this came as a huge blow. But whatever the reasons for her need to separate herself from you, you have no choice but to comply and see what happens after she gets on with her life -- on her terms. In the meantime, no matter the hurt, show her that you are a self-confident, mature man who is able to go on with your life despite this wicked turn of events.
