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Second Chances
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/11/2010
- Relationships - Women
Hello Emily, Thank you for your time. I have been
dating a man for the past 8 months. We have had a good relationship, or
so I thought. We both have children. Recently I found a conversation he
had with another girl asking her for "dirty pictures", telling her she
has a "hot body", and also telling her he will cheat on me and keep it a
secret. I confronted him, obviously in an angry state of mind. We took
the day apart and when he came back he told me that he was feeling
insecure with himself and needed to know he is still wanted. I have
decided to stay with him, I believe he knows what he did was wrong and I
strongly believe in second chances. But I just
can't get it off my mind. It has only been a week since the incident.
How do we help our relationship get strong again? Should I have left
him? I don't want him to think he can do it again and get away with it
because third chances do not happen with me. I'm just confused and have
many different emotions to deal with and I have no idea where to start. Please help. Thank you.
------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------------------
Feeling insecure with himself, and wanting to know he is still wanted is a lame reason for doing what he did. I'm more apt to think he thought he could get away with it. Acting on temptation, now, is greater with the advent of advanced technology and he couldn't resist. I also believe in second chances in some areas of "breach of trust." But this is a big one, and I'm not sure if you'll ever feel the same about him, again. How you handle this all depends on what you want from the relationship. I do think your "twice burned, thrice shy" approach is valid, to a point, but if it isn't heartfelt, there's no reason to try for round two. If it were me, I'd tell him this: "I'll see you on occasion, but it's best for you, and me, to give you the freedom to get these feelings of insecurity out of your system -- without having to play the role of Sherlock Holmes looking for clues to you being in need of an emotional security boost."
------------------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------------------
Feeling insecure with himself, and wanting to know he is still wanted is a lame reason for doing what he did. I'm more apt to think he thought he could get away with it. Acting on temptation, now, is greater with the advent of advanced technology and he couldn't resist. I also believe in second chances in some areas of "breach of trust." But this is a big one, and I'm not sure if you'll ever feel the same about him, again. How you handle this all depends on what you want from the relationship. I do think your "twice burned, thrice shy" approach is valid, to a point, but if it isn't heartfelt, there's no reason to try for round two. If it were me, I'd tell him this: "I'll see you on occasion, but it's best for you, and me, to give you the freedom to get these feelings of insecurity out of your system -- without having to play the role of Sherlock Holmes looking for clues to you being in need of an emotional security boost."
