Hi Emily, I appreciate your time. Here's my debacle, I have been dating my girlfriend for five years, we're both 23, we've been through our ups and downs. Early on in the relationship she cheated on me with my best friend since I was 8. She says that she didn't go all the way with him, I don't know if I believe her, but we got past it and lived for 5 years normally, until recently I noticed something was up. Upon asking her, she proceeded to tell me she had gotten lesbian with another close friend of her and I. The situation escalated until the end of the night, and she had to leave on a family trip to Kansas for a week. So she left, I was angry, but I got a hold of the other girl involved. She tried to tell me it was all a joke until I told her to come talk to me in person. She said this is just something that girls do when they're drunk. Arguments ensue as I try to get her to tell HER boyfriend who is another friend of mine. Some time passes, a week or so, and my girlfriend returns from Kansas. We meet up and talk a little, riding in the car I was playing with her phone and dove into her text messages. She had been texting the other girl saying "I didn't tell him about the cucumber incident." I brought this up to her and she said there was another time. Made me even angrier at her. My trust for her is completely broken as well as my friends. This incident brought up many things for me to think about and here's where I need some advice. First of all, should I believe her that she didn't actually sleep with my best friend the first time? This has been bothering me. She lied about everything else so why not this, right? Second, should I trust her again? She says she wants to be with me and will never do anything to hurt me again. Should I stay with her? And I guess my final question is that since this incident I have wanted revenge. I am very jealous that she did not include me in her exploration endeavor. Is that normal? Thank you so much for your assistance, I really need it!

-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------

If people are going to lie, it's often about sex. She opened up to you concerning her bi-curious experience (after your prodding) and that's a positive turn of events. That said, she sees this as "no big deal," apparently, and she wants you to see it that way, as well. I'd get over the possibility she lied about sleeping with your friend. You can't know unless she changes her story, or that guy suddenly pops up to tell you. And she simply could be telling you the truth!  "I'll never hurt you, again" is a silly proclamation because we get hurt in relationships -- it's just a matter of our forgiveness capabilities and the infraction. Revenge is a useless endeavor because it defeats the whole purpose of what you want -- and I think it's fidelity, or am I wrong on that score? I would strongly consider a heart-to-heart with her and figure out where this relationship is headed. It would seem a stretch to have wanted her to include you in her sexual encounter with her girlfriend. It was a "covert operation" so to speak. Again, if you're looking for payback, you'll only make matters worse. Five years is a long time to be together without a plan, and perhaps it's long overdue to reassess where this relationship is going without using acrimony and revenge as the means to get there.