http://www.askmissemily.com en-us N/A emily@askmissemily.com Tue, 06 Jan 2009 17:16:43 EST 20 http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/381/1/He-Pokes-and-Prods/Page1.html
I am a, just turned, 31 year old newlywed and mother of one son, who is planning to have two more kids with the sweetest guy in the world.  Here is my problem, as silly as it might sound:  Although I am not heavy, my figure flares and is a little wide at the hips.  I have sort of a JLo or Beyonce butt if that helps.  For as long as we've been together, my husband has had a soft spot for poking, and prodding me in the rump/hip/upper thigh area.  He will often tell me how lucky he is to have a woman with boobs AND an ass, and describe me as "one hot babe".  My problem is that my ex used to call me wide ride and fat ass when he touched me back there, and I got to where I just did not like to be touched there.  I find that I am still a little self-conscious when being touched in that area.  I feel like this is my problem and not his, and that I should say nothing because he has a right to touch me anywhere he wants.  Still, how do I get over these feelings?  Again, I know this sounds stupid of me.
Touchy

-------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------------

Dear Touchy:

It does not sound stupid, and you are wrong to think your husband has a right to touch you anywhere he wants.  Does that mean he can play with your tonsils?  Seriously, if anyone poked and prodded me like that, I’d go ballistic, no matter how well meaning.  I'm sure he does not realize this, but I think your husband’s behavior is demeaning to you as a woman. Really, if he wants to poke and prod meat, he should get a job at a slaughter house!  Tell him how you feel and stop thinking you have to get over these feelings. In time, you might, but that's not the point.  If he thinks you are being silly, and dismisses your request, the “sweetest guy in the world” has a sour spot and he needs a lesson in sensitivity.  By the way, a “bubble butt” will work in your favor as you age. You will be able to look at all the women with deflating butts that cannot resist the force of gravity.  You will be forever grateful for the genes you were given, because you will still look good in your jeans!         

]]> no@spam.com (Miss Emily ) Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:05:36 EST http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/381/1/He-Pokes-and-Prods/Page1.html http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/380/1/Which-Guy-Do-I-Choose/Page1.html
Hey, I am 15 years old and came across a HUGE  dilemma? Well, this guy I've liked for a couple months just broke up with his girlfriend. I found out that when he was going out with her, he liked me. Now they broke up, and he tells my friends we're just friends but, after this week, I get a feeling that he likes me again, and we almost hooked up 3 times. Now in 2days, another guy I used to like, is going to ask me out!  That's the confusion. Should I say yes and, then, totally get over the other guy?  Or should I say no, and hope that things with   the other guy gets turned into an official relationship? HELP!!!
Indecisive

-------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------

Dear Indecisive:

Nothing is written in stone that if you go out with one guy, all bets are off on going out with "other guy."  That said, I'm a great believer in putting the cards on the table and making one's wishes known.  I know that second-guessing is common with people, but so often we are wrong if we assume how someone feels, or listen to secondhand information.  If your heart is with "other guy" ask him if he wants to go somewhere with you.  If he says "I'll let you know" rather than nailing a date down, you'll have your answer.  You don't have to feel embarrassed if he is no longer interested.  Everyone has different preferences in life, at different times in their life.  People usually respect those who know what they want, and go out and get it.  A lot of girls would love to have your problem.  Open yourself up to lots of possibilities, and you will never look back and be sorry you didn't live your life to the fullest.      

]]> no@spam.com (Miss Emily ) Sun, 04 Jan 2009 16:42:30 EST http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/380/1/Which-Guy-Do-I-Choose/Page1.html http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/379/1/Breaking-Up-Before-College-Bound/Page1.html
I was going out with this guy for two and a half years, and he ended up breaking up with me because we were going to different colleges. However, it's been six months since we have been broken up and I'm still in love with him. I think about him every day, and I even thinking of him when I'm out dating other guys. I don't know if I should just confess my love to him and fear getting rejected (again) or just letting him go even though he's still on my mind. I still think he is the one for me because I keep thinking of him constantly, and his mom and I are still close and do things together; I even cry for him at least once a week, which is ridiculous to be doing 6 months later, but I'm still in love with him. What should I do? Please help me.
Crushed

----------------Miss Emily's advice--------------

Dear Crushed:

It seems harsh to break up with someone just because they are attending a different college, but the reality of it, although hurtful, is practical in many respects. In truth, he decided that there's a big world out there, with much to experience, and it was time to head in that direction.  You may still be deeply in love with him, but if he is not feeling the same, your only recourse is to face it and move on.  I see no problem with you telling him how you feel, as long as you accept his response.  For the most part, our futures are mapped out by the logical, or illogical decisions we make in life.  In matters of the heart, "logic" often takes a backseat, and it is a mistake to think that love will conquer all. There may be a future with him, but I wouldn't sit around hoping for it.  We are not destine to be with a particular person, and a relationship cannot be one-sided.  You might be wise to embrace his way of thinking, and experience life before signing on to the belief that he is the only one for you.             
]]> no@spam.com (Miss Emily ) Sun, 04 Jan 2009 16:07:23 EST http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/379/1/Breaking-Up-Before-College-Bound/Page1.html http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/378/1/Boyfriend-Doesn039t-Trust-Me/Page1.html
My boyfriend thought I was cheating on him, a while ago, with his best friend, which I never did. All that happened was he kissed me on the cheek in a friendly way. And last night, he text me just a normal text saying "you okay?" Now my boyfriend thinks I’m cheating on him, again, and I don't know what to do or what to say to him to persuade him I'm not. please help.
Misjudged

----------------------------------Miss Emily’s advice------------------------

Dear Misjudged:

Your boyfriend is obviously insecure and doesn’t have the capacity to trust you.  I’d tell him that you have no desire to cheat, but if he keeps up with the accusations, he’ll give you a reason to leave him and it will be his fault.  Stand up for yourself!  If you don’t do it now, you’ll end up allowing guys to define who you are rather than you defining yourself.  I don’t know why this friend of your boyfriend’s text you to ask if you were okay, but if he does show some interest in you other than friendship, set him straight, as well.     ]]> no@spam.com (Miss Emily ) Fri, 02 Jan 2009 14:30:42 EST http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/378/1/Boyfriend-Doesn039t-Trust-Me/Page1.html http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/377/1/Should-I-Send-Her-Packing/Page1.html
My girlfriend does not show me attention like I give her. She told me she only wants attention and sex when she wants it!  I am too nice a guy for this treatment.  We talk many of times about this, and her sister told me I shouldn’t keep taking this abuse. Well, I’m tired of being mistreated   Should I end this relationship?
At Wits End

-----------------------------Miss Emily’s advice------------------------

Dear At Wits End:

If you think that there is anything worth saving about this relationship, you can start by telling this girl that the new rule is: Mutual respect or you are gone.  You see, when an adult takes abuse, it opens the floodgates for more of it.  You have to look at why you allowed yourself to be mistreated, even once, before setting her straight. You may be a nice guy, but that is no excuse for turning in your self-respect for doormat status.  Once you put a stop to this, I think she might take a new look at the man she’s with, and decide that a strong man is really what she wanted all along.  If not, send her on her way to browbeat someone else.


]]> no@spam.com (Miss Emily ) Wed, 31 Dec 2008 15:27:45 EST http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/377/1/Should-I-Send-Her-Packing/Page1.html http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/376/1/Why-Don039t-I-Like-My-Perfect-Relationship/Page1.html
I am an 18 year-old boy who needs relationship advice, ASAP.  I have been in a relationship for 15 months now, so the majority of my junior and senior years have been with one person.  We do not argue, or have any problems to speak of.  We obviously get along really well, and we share a lot of similar interests.  And there are NO problems with friends or family that think we should not be with each other.  Rather the contrary is true.  Most people think that we are perfect for each other.  I even have two friends that ask me when the wedding is, jokingly.  Everything sounds great right?  The problem is that lately I have been thinking that maybe this isn't quite right.  We still have a good time, but sometimes I feel empty and unfulfilled.  And at times it has begun to feel like it's just going through the motions.  I don't know if it is just that the new feeling has worn off and that now it seems boring or what?  But I am definitely starting to have some regrets.  I just don’t know if I want to keep going on, but it would be so hard to end it.  I'm really caught in the middle and it's tearing me apart. What is your advice? What should I do?
TOrn

----------------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------

Dear Torn:

I think it’s pretty normal to feel this way when you have a relationship for this duration, at your age.  What complicates this is that you do get along so well, and it seems that just because of that, you should think you are in a perfect situation.  But not so!  You are coming to grips with the fact that you have a great deal more living to do before you settle down with one person.  And you are right!  I think you should share your feelings with your girlfriend.  You are doing nothing wrong, nor is it something to feel guilty about.  You would be doing her a disservice if you did not tell her how you feel.  It’s hard, but what isn’t in life?  You don’t have to break up with this girl forever.  If time passes, and you find your way back to each other, at least you followed your heart and did not settle for something you no longer wanted, but failed to end it before you created a web of deception.  

]]> no@spam.com (Miss Emily ) Wed, 31 Dec 2008 05:10:34 EST http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/376/1/Why-Don039t-I-Like-My-Perfect-Relationship/Page1.html http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/375/1/He-Won039t-Answer-My-Calls/Page1.html
I’m dating this man, and sometimes when I call him he doesn’t answer my phone calls, So normally, if he does this, I don’t ask him the next day, I just tell myself that it has passed.  So now I was tired of this thing of not answering my phone calls, and I asked him exactly what is his problem.  He said he’s got family problems and is not ready to tell me.  I told him I’d stop calling. He will call me back when he sorts out his problems.  Do you think I did a right thing, or maybe he did want to break up with me?
In The Dark

--------------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------------

Dear In The Dark:

Yes, I think you did the right thing by no longer calling him.  Does he want to break up?  I think he might have something going on at home (like a wife or girlfriend, perhaps), and your phone calls cannot be answered when he is not alone. Time will tell if he wants nothing more to do with you, but if he has secrets, you’d be better off to let him get on with his life without you in it.

                                    
 ]]> no@spam.com (Miss Emily ) Wed, 31 Dec 2008 04:39:52 EST http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/375/1/He-Won039t-Answer-My-Calls/Page1.html http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/374/1/When-Sex-Goes-South/Page1.html
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and I love him more than anything in this whole entire world! Well, I'm 19 and he is 32. Anyway, he used to practically beg me to have sex with him, and now I am the one doing the begging! All he wants to do is play his stupid game on the computer and watch porn! Can you believe that he has actually turned sex down to watch porn instead?? And earlier, I don’t remember what quite brought this up, but he said “been there done that” and he was referring to having sex with me! What should I do?
Rejected

-----------------------Miss Emily’s advice---------------------

Dear Rejected:

When it comes to sex, in a committed relationship, both parties have to be in agreement, and when they are not, there has to be a concerted effort to work on it.  If your boyfriend refuses to do this, he is as much telling you that you don’t really matter that much to him.  Sex is not the most important part of a relationship, but it is a special way to build intimacy if two people are in love.  Your time with him may not be at an end, but it doesn’t sound like you have a future together because of his attitude toward you.

]]> no@spam.com (Miss Emily ) Wed, 31 Dec 2008 04:04:38 EST http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/374/1/When-Sex-Goes-South/Page1.html http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/373/1/Should-I-End-It/Page1.html
I feel compelled to start with what must have very familiar words to you--I can't believe I'm even asking this question.  I'm in my early 30s, with a graduate degree.  Aside from the typical bumps and bruises, I've had a pretty happy life:  Good family, good friends.  I've maintained friendships with many of the men I've dated in the past.  I guess I'm trying to establish the fact that I don't have a certain unhealthy pattern that I keep perpetuating in relationships...but, I guess, sometimes the person who has just that, isn't always the one who can most ably see it.  About two years ago, I met and fell and love with a man who seemed wonderful.  The only glitch was that he told me, on our first date, no less, that in the past he'd had trouble being faithful in relationships, but that he had worked out his problems and was a different person now.  It was a red flag, but I proceeded.  Our relationship became serious after a few months, at which point I found out that he was, if not cheating, at least perusing online for other women.  I was horrified and broke it off right away.  At the time, he conveyed that he was distressed that I had broken up with him, but that he understood, because he knew he wasn't the man that I deserved.  Despite what had transpired between us, this seemed relatively noble and self-aware of him, so I let him go and tried my best to move on.  We reconnected casually months later, and to be truthful I had never gotten over him.  I had learned from an acquaintance of his that during that time he had spent a few weeks in jail for propositioning a 15-year-old who turned out to be a police officer.  I was stunned by this news.  I Googled him and found something he had posted online about being sexually attracted to an 11-year-old.  I confronted him on both, when we reconnected, and he told me tearfully how screwed up he had been, that he's not that person anymore, how he's a new person, and how he's finally the man that I deserve.
We've spent close to one year together and it's been wonderful, but I'm terrified that my experience with mostly nice people in the past is leading me to be woefully naive here.  Is there any chance that a person can change after past indiscretions  like this?  To me, it seems that he's turned his life around a great deal, but I fear that I'm in it too deep to see this for what it is.  I'm deeply in love, but I don't want to waste my time if that's what I'm doing.  Thank you in advance.  Any advice you give is appreciated more than I can say.
Round Two

----------------------Miss Emily’s advice---------------

Dear Round Two:

There’s no way of knowing if he’s over his pedophile phase, and this is something I would not be qualified to judge.  Those urges are pretty strong and, in many cases, the predator becomes more secretive.  He did say to you, at your first go-round with him, that he once was a cheater “but I’m a different person now.”  Now he says, “I’m not that person, anymore, I’m a new person, and I’m finally the man you deserve.”  Notice a pattern here?  This man doesn’t seem to know how to have a healthy relationship, but as long as he’s convinced himself that he thinks he can, and you buy into it, all is good until the next time he weakens or is caught with his pants down, so to speak.  In California, where I live, if one gets caught soliciting, or having sex with a minor, he or she is registered as a sex offender and it then becomes difficult to find housing, as well, that person is legally "labeled" for a lifetime.  I’m not sure this is where he is headed, but he has been in jail for propositioning a fifteen year-old, and he seems to like them younger, too!  If he’s not getting psychological help, he should be and, I think, it’s just a matter of time before he slips up, again.  No relationship can thrive without trust, and you having to monitor his whereabouts, and his Internet trail are two major roadblocks.  I believe this man wants to change for the better but, in most cases like this, the urges are too great, and the possibility of failure is usually a sure bet.        


]]> no@spam.com (Miss Emily ) Tue, 30 Dec 2008 15:50:16 EST http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/373/1/Should-I-End-It/Page1.html http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/372/1/My-Roommate039s-Brother/Page1.html
I have a good friend for the past 5 yrs who has now become my roommate.  When we first met, years ago, I thought he was attractive and liked him, but later to learn that it's only as a friend.  We have never dated and 2 times had sex (drunken sex).  I do not like him other than a friend and wished I never was intimate with him in that way.  However, he has a brother who I have just recently started seeing here and there, and I am extremely attracted to him. One night he called me, and we went away together and I had so much fun!  The following night he called me and came over to the house. We hung out and, once again, had a blast.  It seems as if my roommate is jealous, and I don't like it at all.  I don't want him ruining any chances I might have with his brother.  However, I am also having a hard time picking up on any signals if his brother is just being friendly or does have an interest in me.  How can you tell, and what shall I do?
Stuck

--------------------------Miss Emily’s advice------------------------

Dear Stuck:

I would, temporarily, ignore my roommate’s issue with jealousy and continue to see his brother whenever the opportunity presents itself.  You are under no obligation of loyalty (in this matter), to your friend/roommate, because you are not committed to any more than friendship.  Take it a day at a time. Your roommate’s brother might be testing the waters, as well, and you want things to progress naturally so there will be little to no doubt as to where this thing is headed.  If, at some point, the friend/roommate gets really “huffy,” you have no other choice than to set him straight and let him know that you will do as you please.  If he has the ability to thwart a possible romance with his brother, I would reevaluate you friendship with him and consider moving out.      

]]> no@spam.com (Miss Emily ) Mon, 29 Dec 2008 05:12:57 EST http://www.askmissemily.com/articles/372/1/My-Roommate039s-Brother/Page1.html