NEED OBJECTIVE and SOUND ADVICE.
Hello, and welcome to AskMissEmily.com. My name is Emily, and it is my passion to help people of all ages. I have designed this site for anyone who needs a rational solution to everyday problems.
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As of June, 2013, I have written over 20,000 letters of advice!
Latest Questions & Answers
Caring Guy Lacks Some Bells and Whistles
- Published Yesterday
- Relationships - Women
I will try to get straight to the point. I've been dating this guy for a year now. I have two kids 17 and 11. My 17-year-old has special needs. This guy has been around my kids for the whole duration of our relationship; the kids like him a lot. The problem is, I don't love him like he loves me. He goes out of his way help me with my kids, and I'm appreciative of that. I tell him that all the time. I'm not attracted to him at all. He doesn't keep himself groomed, or dress nice. I'm just not attracted to him and every little thing he does frustrates me a lot. I told him how I feel, but he still comes around and wants to be with me. I'm staying in a relationship with him because I need the help, and my kids love him, but I don't. Can I grow to love him for the sake of not being alone, and because my kids like him? I will never cheat on him ,or disrespect him, but I just don't know what to do. Also is physical attraction important in a relationship, and is it a deal-breaker? In addition to not being attracted to him, he's not a man of his word. He wants to get married and settle down, but he doesn't even pay his bills on time, and has poor credit. Should this be a concern, too?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
He's no more than a help to you, I can understand your need, but it's also given you more trouble than its worth, it appears. If he makes a good friend, fine, but limit his time with your family, learn to say no, and ease off in order for the kids to not feel an immediate withdrawal; yet they are old enough to understand why you choose to do so. If he's talking marriage, you offer him false hope to do anything other than, kindly, shoot from the hip and act on it. He will become more of a burden and, possibly, a dependent. Ultimately, you don't need that. Your point is well taken about his finances. Any mate you have, bottom line, should have his financial ducks in a row -- unless there's a damn good reason. It's irresponsibility to not have it that way, and the financial burden (there's that word, again) rests at your feet to fill the void if you were married. Few women with a strong sense of self worth like a guy who's unkempt, and can't balance a checkbook. Yes, if you want a love interest in your life, attraction is important. And that's not just in looks! Attraction is also generated by one's ability to be responsible, and mature in how he (or she) handles his life. The majority of men aren't handsome, per se, but it's their emotional strength, maturity, and the ability to make wise decisions that's the biggest attraction. Believe me, he needs you (as well as him being your aid), because of his personal shortcomings; although he's been caring -- when others would shy away. Your responsibilities, however, will not always be this monumental, and to sign on to a greater attachment to him for your kids' sake, and his help could backfire the longer you hold on to something you know isn't right for you.
- Published Yesterday
- Relationships - Teens
I'm in my first year of university, and I really hate it. I feel so alone and isolated, I don't enjoy my course and it's making me depressed. I love a boy at uni, and I think he just thinks of me as a friend and I can't live with the idea of seeing him with other girls. It would kill me. I've made lots of friends, here, and I've been home twice in the 10 weeks. I miss home so much, when I've been home -- I didn't want to come back. Recently, I've been thinking of dropping out, as this might make me happier, but I don't know what I'd do if I dropped out. I feel so hopeless.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I don't like the idea of you dropping out just yet. This is a common feeling for first year uni students, and I'd give it a year, at least, before making any decision that could alter the course of your life. Liking this boy, and for him to not reciprocate those feelings can be hurtful, but this could happen in the workforce, and in your own community. It does add to you already feeling homesick, and that makes everything seem so difficult to manage. You want to run back to a safe harbor, but this is a challenge, I feel, you need to face, head on, at least until term ends, or you are no longer asking if it's the right thing to leave. Any number of good things could happen in the next few months, and it's possible they may alter your whole outlook on school. If you question your course of study, talk to a counselor about it, and if that's not a problem, see if they have counseling services for students. Look for solutions, rather than an escape you may regret. This boy may not pursue more than friendship with you, but that is his right (no matter his reasoning), and you shouldn't be taking it as a personal affront. To have him dictate your future, although he would not be aware of it, is poor judgment on your part. The best answers to these problems are not ones led by knee jerk emotions, and you'll be happier in the long run if you avoid that trap. I know many people who left school, only to regret that their friends had degrees, and they did not. Although going back to uni, if you left, may be an option, it's hard to go back if you get tossed into the working world, and life gets in the way of returning to complete your education. Ultimately, it may not be right for you, but I think it's too soon to know. It's a cold, and gloomy time of year in the UK, but the sun may rise in your heart if even one great thing, or person pops into your life in the next few months. Don't limit your focus to this one boy. He's a guy, not a god. Write to me next summer, and let me know what happened.
First Boyfriend Had Lapse of Conscience
- Published Yesterday
- Relationships - Teens
I'm in a very complicated situation. I'm a senior in high school and, about 2 months ago, I started dating this guy who is a sophomore on the varsity football team. I don't usually date guys younger than me due to the lack of maturity, but i said what the heck? He's cute, and he would be my first boyfriend. So things were going good until he asked my best friend for her phone number. When I confronted him about it, he blew me off and said he didn't want to talk about it. Weeks went by without us talking to each other, until he finally tried to make up with me, but I blew him off. More time passed, and here it is 2 months later with neither one of us saying a word when we see each other. I miss him, and I want to make things work. How do I start communicating with him, again, after all this time has passed? Is it even worth the effort? HELP!
--------------Miss Emily's advice-----------
There was a lack of conscience concerning the choice he made, and he was arrogant, and foolish to think your friend wouldn't tell you. If you and he were not "officially" boyfriend and girlfriend by normal standards, perhaps he thought it was "open season" in asking for your friend's number -- but still bad form. Had your friend not told you he had asked for it, ignorance would not have been bliss. He wasn't as engaged in the relationship as you had hoped, and I think that's worth taking note. I know he was your first boyfriend, but unless he had a reasonable answer as to why he was pursuing your friend, while dating you, any attempt to reconcile seems a tad empty. But if this eats at you (and you want "closure"), send him a message that you regret not giving him a chance to make this right and, if he's on board with it, you'd like to resume the friendship -- but take it slow if he's interested in dating, again. That's really all you can do. Then, the relationship ball is in his court. If he doesn't pick it up, consider this a learning experience. And you were right to question his allegiance.