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Latest Questions & Answers
Letting Go Of A Bad Relationship
- Published Yesterday
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
Hi. I feel really stupid but I'm heartbroken and don't know what else to do. I met my bf a year, ago, and fell really really in love with him. I cheated first but that was because he didn't care about the relationship. He then cheated for revenge, and other stuff, broke up with me and went with someone else. I flirted with other people etc. Like 4months, ago, we sat down and agreed to change. He said he would never hurt me, again, and same for me. Everything was great, of course we still had our doubts and I was always a paranoid mess -- lol, but our relationship started to deteriorate, and we weren't getting on like we used to. Of course, I still loved him more than anything, and I think he still loved me like that, as well. I looked through his phone and found he had sent a few texts to another girl when were going through a bad patch. Of course, I freaked out and broke up with him immediately. I was so hurt. Then he apologized, groveled, and said it was nothing -- it was a confidence boost, and he just felt like crap because our relationship wasn't doing well. I love him more than anything. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't stop crying, and I'm a mess. It's not just because he did that, I know it's because I'm without him. Everyone of my friends say don't go back there, and I don't want to look stupid. And I'm scared our relationship will never work because of all the cheating and going on, and I'll just get really badly hurt again. Please help me?
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
Here's the thing: You cheated on him, in the beginning of this relationship, because you thought he didn't care about the relationship (he did the same) and, now, he has the excuse he needed a confidence boost. Ridiculous! You and he simply weren't getting along, and there are reasons for that. This relationship is volatile, destructive, and fraught with tremendous indecision. In any good relationship, trust is the cornerstone, and neither of you trust each other. I don't know what it would take to make this relationship work because so much water is under the bridge, and there was an attempt to change and get it right -- once before. I would think long and hard as to why you might want to jump back into this relationship, when neither of you seem mature enough to handle it. Believe me, sometimes love isn't enough -- and you two have proved it. Perhaps the root of your pain has to do with rejection, but that's no excuse for setting yourself up for another round of the same. I agree with your friends, don't go back there. Lick you wounds, and move on -- if you can.
Hi. I feel really stupid but I'm heartbroken and don't know what else to do. I met my bf a year, ago, and fell really really in love with him. I cheated first but that was because he didn't care about the relationship. He then cheated for revenge, and other stuff, broke up with me and went with someone else. I flirted with other people etc. Like 4months, ago, we sat down and agreed to change. He said he would never hurt me, again, and same for me. Everything was great, of course we still had our doubts and I was always a paranoid mess -- lol, but our relationship started to deteriorate, and we weren't getting on like we used to. Of course, I still loved him more than anything, and I think he still loved me like that, as well. I looked through his phone and found he had sent a few texts to another girl when were going through a bad patch. Of course, I freaked out and broke up with him immediately. I was so hurt. Then he apologized, groveled, and said it was nothing -- it was a confidence boost, and he just felt like crap because our relationship wasn't doing well. I love him more than anything. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't stop crying, and I'm a mess. It's not just because he did that, I know it's because I'm without him. Everyone of my friends say don't go back there, and I don't want to look stupid. And I'm scared our relationship will never work because of all the cheating and going on, and I'll just get really badly hurt again. Please help me?
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
Here's the thing: You cheated on him, in the beginning of this relationship, because you thought he didn't care about the relationship (he did the same) and, now, he has the excuse he needed a confidence boost. Ridiculous! You and he simply weren't getting along, and there are reasons for that. This relationship is volatile, destructive, and fraught with tremendous indecision. In any good relationship, trust is the cornerstone, and neither of you trust each other. I don't know what it would take to make this relationship work because so much water is under the bridge, and there was an attempt to change and get it right -- once before. I would think long and hard as to why you might want to jump back into this relationship, when neither of you seem mature enough to handle it. Believe me, sometimes love isn't enough -- and you two have proved it. Perhaps the root of your pain has to do with rejection, but that's no excuse for setting yourself up for another round of the same. I agree with your friends, don't go back there. Lick you wounds, and move on -- if you can.
Heart On The Line
- Published Yesterday
- Relationships - Women
Hi Emily,
I have a guy friend that I have know for about 8 yrs. We had a relationship when we have first meet. As time went on we have gone our separate ways. Then, recently we started talking again. I really care and love this man. He has told me that he is not ready for a relationship with anybody. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I just need to leave him alone because it just makes it harder for me to deal with. What should I do? Do I wait for him or do I move on with my life?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
When a man says, "I'm not ready for a relationship with anybody," I would take him at his word that this includes you. To get involved, again, only to find out you should have listened to him, would be a bigger blow than telling him, "I have feelings for you, so in order to protect my heart, I need to back away, now, before it's too late."
I have a guy friend that I have know for about 8 yrs. We had a relationship when we have first meet. As time went on we have gone our separate ways. Then, recently we started talking again. I really care and love this man. He has told me that he is not ready for a relationship with anybody. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I just need to leave him alone because it just makes it harder for me to deal with. What should I do? Do I wait for him or do I move on with my life?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
When a man says, "I'm not ready for a relationship with anybody," I would take him at his word that this includes you. To get involved, again, only to find out you should have listened to him, would be a bigger blow than telling him, "I have feelings for you, so in order to protect my heart, I need to back away, now, before it's too late."
Ex Called and Now What?
- Published 09/6/2010
- Relationships - Women
Hi Emily:
I hope you can give me advice on what to do about my ex boyfriend.We broke up about 4 months ago and have never seen each other again since that time but I know he found someone else and was happy.I am also in another relationship.A few days ago i started chatting with my ex's brother on Facebook since we were friends.Then, later, I found out that my ex and his new girl were having problems.Now this morning, my ex called me and I was very surprised. He said he just wanted to say hello and to know how I was doing. I'm very confused by that phone call, and I'm wondering what to do now.We were together 1.5 years and, I think, I'm not over him yet. Please help me not to do something stupid.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
Often, when someone thinks they might be able to "revisit" a relationship, it's because issues remain unresolved. But be careful, because some relationship "issues" can't be resolved, and that's the reason for the break-up, period! I'd think long and hard about what your differences were with your ex, and if there's good reason you and he aren't together. It's hard to cut off certain feelings when you spent a great deal of time with someone, but rehashing a relationship that wasn't meant to be "forever" seems a fruitless venture, and stalls emotional growth. He's having problems with his new girlfriend and might be going though a nostalgia period -- because you are a good person, and he's comparing her to you. But, again, that doesn't mean you and he can turn back the clock and magically fix the differences that created the break-up. Think long and hard before you negate what you have now.
I hope you can give me advice on what to do about my ex boyfriend.We broke up about 4 months ago and have never seen each other again since that time but I know he found someone else and was happy.I am also in another relationship.A few days ago i started chatting with my ex's brother on Facebook since we were friends.Then, later, I found out that my ex and his new girl were having problems.Now this morning, my ex called me and I was very surprised. He said he just wanted to say hello and to know how I was doing. I'm very confused by that phone call, and I'm wondering what to do now.We were together 1.5 years and, I think, I'm not over him yet. Please help me not to do something stupid.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
Often, when someone thinks they might be able to "revisit" a relationship, it's because issues remain unresolved. But be careful, because some relationship "issues" can't be resolved, and that's the reason for the break-up, period! I'd think long and hard about what your differences were with your ex, and if there's good reason you and he aren't together. It's hard to cut off certain feelings when you spent a great deal of time with someone, but rehashing a relationship that wasn't meant to be "forever" seems a fruitless venture, and stalls emotional growth. He's having problems with his new girlfriend and might be going though a nostalgia period -- because you are a good person, and he's comparing her to you. But, again, that doesn't mean you and he can turn back the clock and magically fix the differences that created the break-up. Think long and hard before you negate what you have now.
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