NEED OBJECTIVE and SOUND ADVICE.
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As of February 2014, I have written over 23,000 letters of advice!
Latest Questions & Answers
TO MY ADVICE SEEKERS
- Published 04/10/2014
Baby Daddy In Hot Water
- Published 04/7/2014
- Relationships - Women
I have been with my baby's dad for 5 1/2 years. We broke up for a month, but we got back together. After a while he told me he had a one night stand with someone, and now she's pregnant. I hate him. He's ruined my life, but I still love him. I don't know what to do. We have a child together so, whatever happens, I have to speak to him. I'm so confused. I didn't think he would do this to me. I thought I could trust him I thought he loved me enough to not even think about another girl. Please help me.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I want to preface my e-mail with this remark. Your boyfriend will have to insist on a DNA test if this girl decides to keep the baby. That's just common sense. I'm not excusing him for being careless -- it was a stupid thing he did by not using protection -- but with that one lapse in judgment, he's managed to alter your life as well as his own, and he must be one sorry sod. That said, you two broke up for a month, and there were reasons for that. Do not delude yourself into thinking all would be well if this hadn't happened. If this girl has his child, and he does, or does not want to assist in parenting, he will be obligated to pay child support. I know how hurt you are, but if you have any desire to keep your relationship with him together, and I think you do, you'll have to see this as a choice he made in the heat of the moment (assuming this is the first breach of trust). Each of you will need to be in lockstep on how you're going to handle what comes next. If he's the father of this child, you will have to be on board with the role he'll choose to play, and resentment cannot be a driving force. You can't put the bullet back in the chamber, but you have choices: support him in this unfortunate turn of events, or strongly consider ending the partnership if you cannot get past it. Neither one of you need to fight about this, endlessly, continue to point the finger of blame, nor hurt your child by having two warring parents. Life throws us some curves, and this is, definitely, a big one. The choices you make do not have to be ones that ruin your life, indefinitely.
She's Talking To A Guy Who's In Prison
- Published 04/4/2014
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
Hi. I'm 30 years old. I have been writing this guy in prison for 5 months. everything seems to be going great -- except for I think I'm catching feelings. Let me rephrase that: I know I'm catching feelings. He told me today that he knows we've been talking a lot on the phone, but he can't predict the future. But he knows that when he gets out he wants to hang out with me. Mind you, I haven't seen him yet and he's always telling me how he is happy that I wrote him -- and I'm great, and he can't wait to talk to me the next time we talk. Should I tell him that I have feelings, or should I quit talking to him? Please help me. I have caught feelings for this man, and I'm scared.
------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------
I have a sneaking suspicion you would still talk to him if I did tell you to stop! So let's assume you continue this relationship. I think he already knows you like him. You've spent an awful lot of time corresponding, and talking to him. I won't paint those in prison with one broad brush. Race and/or poverty are often the determining factors in who ends up behind bars -- and who doesn't. That said, you didn't say why he's incarcerated, but you'd want to be careful to not to commit to a guy who is a con artist. He says he can't predict the future and, in some respects, that's true. But our future is also determined by the choices we make today. If he told you he wants to hang out with you when he gets out, and that should be the most you'd want to do at this point, I'd also do a background check on him if you can. It cost money but, as I said, many males and females landed in prison because they do con people -- it's just that they got caught in the act. If he doesn't have a supportive family, he could be looking to you for his meal ticket when he gets out. I know, he doesn't seem the type. He seems so nice! But "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."