NEED OBJECTIVE and SOUND ADVICE.
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As of February 2014, I have written over 23,000 letters of advice!
Latest Questions & Answers
Girlfriend Lacks Business Sense
- Published Yesterday
- Relationships - Men
My girlfriend and I are great, we have a wonderful relationship, and we are partners in everything... except in business. Here's the thing: We have this buy and sell thing going on, it started out great, and it's doing great still. We just have problems raking in the money. Earlier, we got into this huge fight and I callously blurted out that we should never, EVER, do business with each other. Money could be a potential reason for a breakup, and I definitely do not want that. She's more important to me than money or business. Next came in the silent treatment. I said it because she lets our client pay less than what was agreed in the first place (the customer in this story is one of her closest friends and at the same time her workmate). Her friend would still pay the whole amount (it is in terms) but since he (the friend) deposited more than half, she lets him pay less this month than what was agreed at the onset of the transaction. This has been going on since way back. She did not understood my point that it does not make it ok if her friend is slagging, because the terms was already formalized. So now she thinks I'm a heartless dude, the type Robin Hood despises for not caring enough for those who have little. And I think she's careless and lenient (but cute) about money. My point is that we have to separate ourselves and our friends in this, because it is business. It would not survive if we are not serious and committed. Did I do the right thing? Or should I have been more compassionate?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
If this were just one infraction, I would let it pass -- however, what you seem to be saying is that her desire to be charitable is stronger than her desire to run a successful business -- and these acts of generosity will multiply! In that case, she has no business being in business, period. It is a touchy situation when a couple gets involved in a business together -- it's hard to not let emotions dictate, and it can lead to the break-up you fear. I think the only way you can remedy this (and she must be on board) is for you to handle the contractual terms of all agreements made. If you choose to give a discounted rate to friends, let the terms be known upfront and adhere to them. It reminds me of that bumper sticker "This car runs on gas, not friendship." A person can go to the poor house being the "nice guy." And then there's that old bit where Grover has a full basket at the grocery store and, because of it he, endlessly, lets everyone behind him with fewer items go in front of him. A cute way of telling children to be polite, but not foolish. You need to sit down with her and hash this out. And if you can't do it together, seek a third party (perhaps a couples' counselor) to shed light on this problem and assist in solving this problem. Bottom line: You are running a business. There needs to be set rules on what is allowed to friends, and a commitment to follow through without any guilt. She may be cute about money, but don't condescend. Simply adhere to a business plan, be firm, or find a new partner in business.
Depressed Girlfriend Controls From Afar
- Published Yesterday
- Relationships - Men
I am having a lot of difficulty dealing with my girlfriends priorities. I live in the UK and my girlfriend is Peruvian and is currently acting as an au pair in Germany. We talk every day in the evenings from 7:30 to 10:30 but, recently, we've been arguing. Some days, I want to do other things with my friends like go to the theatre, have a drink at a bar or just hang about for one evening and she is getting very depressed and accuses me of not loving her as much as she loves me. She tells me that she devotes every evening for me, entirely, and she's getting sad because I am not doing the same. I love her completely, but there are times where I need to be either by myself or away from her. She takes it personally, and gets very angry and upset because of it. I have to respect her feelings on this matter, but I feel like I'm being chained down and unable to decide things for myself. She just doesn't want me around other people when she is not there it seems. It's fine when we are together, but she is overseas so there is nothing I can do about it. To make matters worse, she has a history of depression and self harm, as well as having an eating disorder -- so if I tell her "I have a life outside of you, you know" then I fear she can harm herself and that would hurt me. She cannot afford professional help, and she will not allow herself to be with any of her friends in the evening for my sake, even though it doesn't bother me. Because of this, she has no strong ties with friends, anyway. Please can you help me!
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
You are in a pickle! You have a girlfriend who has turned you into a parent, part therapist, and enabler. She is unhappy, she feels alone, and she wants you to be in the same boat for her sake. You have every right to socialize with friends, it's a normal thing to do, and she needs to adjust to that part of the relationship. I know you, somehow, feel responsible for her well-being, but that is the wrong approach. Being supportive is one thing, but it should not alter your life in a way that drains you of the essence of what makes you YOU! Being in a relationship does require compromise, but she wants to control your life from another country, and it has caused this sense of powerlessness within in. She has deeo psychological issues if she's this depressed, self-harming, and has an eating disorder. Unless you are a therapist, or doctor, there are limitations on what you can do for her. She should seek medical help sooner, rather than later. In Germany, a trip to the doctor to get on an anti-depressant would not be cost prohibitive. If you choose, reassure her that you love her, but trust, and respect are the central parts of any good relationship. She needs to understand that your desire to socialize should not be seen as a threat, but only an outlet to a hard working day. She is, essentially, holding you emotionally hostage. Again, give her emotional support within reason, but do not risk your own heath and well-being because you are caught in a relationship controlled by guilt, and relentless self-sacrifice.
Daughter's Cheating Husband
- Published Yesterday
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
If you have irrefutable proof that he spent the night with this woman, yes, I think you should tell your daughter. It will not be easy, and she may resent you for it -- but I think it's far more difficult for a mother to sit back and watch her child be railroaded by a liar, and a cheat, than suffer the consequences of being the messenger. If she is receptive, you are sparing her future emotional pain. If she chooses to ignore this information, however, you must let her see this through, knowing you did all you could to prevent it.