NEED OBJECTIVE and SOUND ADVICE.
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As of February, 2013, I have written over 18,000 letters of advice!
Latest Questions & Answers
Trust Issue Nags At Her
- Published 05/18/2013
- Relationships - Women
I've been in a relationship for about 2 years now . Ever since day one I've been extremely jealous of his past . He used to talk to a lot of girls and told a lot of them that he loved them . He told me he never told anyone but me and another girl that he loved them and meant it, but he told a lot of girls he did. He has an ex he says he was madly in love with, and I've caught him trying to contact her. We broke up for a bit at the start of our relationship because he said he was still in love with her, but a few days later was dating someone else. He dated several people over the summer, and we ended up talking again around the end of it . He was dating a girl that loved far away and, when he saw me, he said he realized he missed me and wanted to get back together. I told him I wouldn't get back with him unless he broke up with that girl . He called me a few days later and said he had broken up with her. I found out about a month ago that he lied to me and continued to secretly date her for a month. I have become almost obsessed with his past, and I can't trust him. He doesn't understand why, and I kind of don't either because it was so long ago -- but I have never really been able to trust him because of my past relationships. He's such a nice guy, and I love him to death, but I can't stop going through his phone -- looking at really old messages of him and these girls he went out with and told he loved. I'm constantly worried that if I leave the premises, he's going to cheat but he's never physically cheated on me. I have no idea what to do. All I know is I want to stop, but I can't, and I don't want to lose him . What do I do ? What can help me get over my insane jealousy ?
---------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------
You have a right to be nervous because of his Romeo past. He's tried to contact an ex he said, at one time, he still loved. He told you he had split from a girlfriend when getting back with you, and he hadn't. That was a bruising start to the relationship, and trust was broken early. But he's also right. This happened almost two years, ago, and if he's proved to be a better man, these days, it warrants you letting him off the hook. Of course, there are no guarantees in any relationship, and it's possible he could cheat on you in the future. But don't create a self-fulfilling prophesy, either -- the thing you fear you create by your behavior. To clarify, that does not mean it's an excuse for him to cheat, only a reason to end the relationship. He can't change the past, and it can't be corrected to fit your insecurities. Look for red flags, without being paranoid, but if there are none, live for today -- little by little. All this said, if you can't put this aside, end the relationship. It would take courage, but it would be a solution to this nagging situation. If he's not the right man for you, admit it, and move on.
Avoidance Is Not The Answer
- Published 05/18/2013
- Relationships - Men
I've been dating a woman for about 20 months. For 2 and a half weeks, I didn't see her. Now granted, she has started a new job that's more physically demanding, and the last two weekends she went out of town. However, she wasn't eager to see me when she got back as she cancelled one of our dates. Yesterday was her birthday. I took her out, and she seemed happy -- but she told me that her family is having a dinner for her Sunday, and she didn't invite me. I've only met her mother once. Now I did decline last year a couple of times to meet her mother, because I was feeling uncomfortable about my weight -- but since that, I've let her know I would like to meet her family. What should I do? Should ask her why she didn't invite me? It seems like she's not it for the long haul.
------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------
Dating 20 months warrants better communication! And that's what troubles me about this relationship. You should not have to invite yourself to meet her parents. Obviously, your insecurity about your weight may play a role in how you relate to her, or anyone, but the duration of this relationship should have offered you some peace of mind in that area. I think you should have a heart to heart talk with her. Tell her where you'd like the relationship to go, and see if she's on board. Also mention that complete honesty is what you want, although it may be painful to hear. It's true, you don't seem to be a priority, and you need to find out why. Man up on this, sweet one. To prolong this serves no purpose other than to keep you in the guessing zone. There's absolutely no point to that.