NEED OBJECTIVE and SOUND ADVICE.
Hello, and welcome to AskMissEmily.com. My name is Emily, and it is my passion to help people of all ages. I have designed this site for anyone who needs a rational solution to everyday problems.
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As of February 2014, I have written over 23,000 letters of advice!
Latest Questions & Answers
Grandpa Is A Blowhard
- Published 03/7/2014
My husband and I married two years ago. When we married, I gained a wonderful nine year old stepson. He is a great kid and has so many good qualities -- however, there is one thing that bothers my husband and me, and I'm not sure it's something that should be a bother. He has a grandpa he doesn't see very often because he has been known to be irresponsible, and very dishonest. We know this, but we don't talk about it in front of my stepson. My stepson, though, idolizes his grandpa. He is constantly repeating to us all the lies he is told and it makes us feel like he doesn't see us as good enough. He tells us things like his grandpa was the best at something, and knows all about something else, and has nicer things than us. I know this sounds bad of me to say, but his grandpa over exaggerates about everything he has, and how much it costs. It has even come to the point where we have argued about something because it's not the way his grandpa said it was. We are not materialistic and try to explain to him that it doesn't matter how much things cost. And we have tried talking to his mom about the issue because it's her dad, but she turns around and blames us saying that we have family that spoils him too. I don't want a "know it all" stepson who argues with us, or others over facts that are not right, or a child who makes us feel like we are not good enough. What advice can you give us on fixing this without making my stepson hate us or see his grandpa differently?
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
A nine year old boy isn't all that capable, or receptive to hearing rational objections concerning behavior that relates to a relative he adores. He can't reason why you'd contradict his grandfather, and sees it as negative input, only. His mother, as well, would counter anything you said about her dad's penchant to be a blowhard, and that puts you in a position of creating an uneasiness, and a tension that's not worth it -- for your sake, as well as your stepson's. Yes, it would be great if your husband's ex helped control the situation, but she may delight in putting you and her ex at a disadvantage. Once he's older, he may be able to put 2 and 2 together, as well as being intellectually capable of hearing your objective opinions. And even if he didn't, it shouldn't harm your, and your husband's relationship with him if you show, by example, your own values and reinforce them. In no way do you have to make a verbal comparison. All you need to do is capitalize on the things you and your husband hold dear through education, and cultural outings that place emphasis on the things that money cannot buy. Take him to volunteer with you and your husband. Donate to causes and have him be a part of it. Deliver pies and a turkey to the local soup kitchen on holidays, and have him carry the boxes. Teach him to appreciate the things he has, and instill the Suze Orman mantra: "People first, then money, then things." Also, teach him the value of money through saving and budgeting. When he talks about his grandfather, listen, and when he says something that doesn't add up, tell him, "I didn't know that. That's interesting" -- all the while biting your tongue, and rolling your eyes when he's not looking. Let him talk, listen and, then, cleverly change the subject. Were there to be outrageous behavior from grandpa, or in any way he would jeopardize the health and well being of this boy, that is when you, and your husband must put your foot down! This boy's safety is paramount -- not the fragile ego of a fool.
Balancing Work And Relationship
- Published 03/6/2014
- Relationships - Men
My job takes a lot of hours during the day, driving, and I always have
hours of paperwork in the evening. I'm getting married in a few months,
and my girlfriend says she understands, but I’m worried this will not be
the case after we're married. I want to make a good life for both of us,
but I don't know how to keep balance in my life.
------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------
When you say you don’t know how to keep balance in your life, it suggests one of two things: It’s impossible with your insanely demanding work schedule or, it’s possible but, up until now, you haven’t been willing to address it in earnest. No doubt you are good at your job because you are dedicated, but time management may be your problem -- and there are several books you can buy related to that topic. Space your time doing evening paper work, enlist your fiancee's help in terms of organization, and make sure you spend quality, weekend time together. It appears you are marrying someone who truly does understand and accepts the demands of your job, and not someone who hopes your work schedule dramatically changes once the vows are spoken.
Reconciling With Elderly Parents
- Published 03/6/2014
Although I never had a close relationship with my parents (I am an only child), they are now in a home for the elderly, and they depend on me to visit regularly. How do I move beyond the resentment I had in the past for them, and give with an open heart?
------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
A family's life cycle often puts children in the role of parenting their parents. Be to them the parent you thought they should have been to you. Most people mellow with age, and you will find that a lot can be forgiven once you develop a new, kinder attitude toward each other. Unless you were abused as a child, forgive their less than stellar child rearing methods and learn to appreciate them on a new level. Ask them to tell you stories about their youth -- World Wars -- The Depression. Make them feel as if their experiences were special, and listen as if it were the first time you had heard the story, no matter how often they repeat them. Play board games, if they are mentally capable, and read to them. This could pay off in ways you can't even imagine. Hopefully, they will appreciate your efforts, and you will be rewarded by an ease in your resentment. Make peace with them, now, and leave past resentment where it belong -- in the past.