Hello, and welcome to AskMissEmily.com. My name is Emily, and it is my passion to help people of all ages. I am known for giving sound advice, and I designed this site for anyone who needs objective help and guidance.
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Latest Questions & Answers
Viagra Falls
- Published Yesterday
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
Hi, this question is to satisfy a debate of fault. I am 42 and my boyfriend is 52. My boyfriend, without my knowledge, took his pill to have an erection. He then came to me and told me he just took his pill so we could have sex. I asked him to wait since I was at the end of a movie I was watching and he agreed. In the process, he fell asleep. He blames me that he took a pill to have sex and sex never happened. He says I should pay for his prescription since I made him waste his pill. I feel that he should have included me in this decision to take a pill at that moment instead of springing it on me like it's my obligation to satisfy him when he feels like it without any regards to what I am doing at the time. We also had made plans to take a day trip and he decided we weren't going because he blames me and is mad and won't speak to me. I would appreciate your opinion on this issue. Thank you.
-------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------
Viagra, and pills of this nature, have put women in really awkward positions. The ads always make everyone look so willing -- at any time of day or night. It's pathetic. Consider the seventy year-old woman who thought sex was over for her, and she was happy about it. Now, the husband is popping Viagra, and she's being chased around the dining table, scared to death! Poor thing. Yes, he should have informed you of his intention to have sex, and he is wrong to blame you for not complying. He's acting incredibly childish. Poor baby, Mommy let him down. His behavior was punitive. Tell him to get over it. If he doesn't, rethink this relationship.
Hi, this question is to satisfy a debate of fault. I am 42 and my boyfriend is 52. My boyfriend, without my knowledge, took his pill to have an erection. He then came to me and told me he just took his pill so we could have sex. I asked him to wait since I was at the end of a movie I was watching and he agreed. In the process, he fell asleep. He blames me that he took a pill to have sex and sex never happened. He says I should pay for his prescription since I made him waste his pill. I feel that he should have included me in this decision to take a pill at that moment instead of springing it on me like it's my obligation to satisfy him when he feels like it without any regards to what I am doing at the time. We also had made plans to take a day trip and he decided we weren't going because he blames me and is mad and won't speak to me. I would appreciate your opinion on this issue. Thank you.
-------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------
Viagra, and pills of this nature, have put women in really awkward positions. The ads always make everyone look so willing -- at any time of day or night. It's pathetic. Consider the seventy year-old woman who thought sex was over for her, and she was happy about it. Now, the husband is popping Viagra, and she's being chased around the dining table, scared to death! Poor thing. Yes, he should have informed you of his intention to have sex, and he is wrong to blame you for not complying. He's acting incredibly childish. Poor baby, Mommy let him down. His behavior was punitive. Tell him to get over it. If he doesn't, rethink this relationship.
Me, My Ex-husband, and Her
- Published 06/27/2009
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I'm 62 years of age- I'm a widow of three years. I was married before, and I have gotten in touch with him in the last 2 years. He told me that he was not married and was dating a girl for a long time, but now they are just friends and sometime he does not hear from her for a year. I went to see him, and we had a very good time, also he came to see me.. My husband left me very well-off. My ex has no money -- is hardly making it. His old girlfriend went crazy when he called her to tell her that I got in touch with him. He said he was so happy, but she went crazy and my nightmare started. She has called me every name under the sun and caused a lot of problems. She broke his door in, was taking money out of his checking account, and he had her arrested. She spent a lot of time in jail – in and out.. He told me she is sick, but he didn’t defend me and still is talking to her, going to the casinos and, when he doing shows, she is traveling with him. He tells me that there is no sex involved and they are just good friends. I do love him. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Please give me some advice
-------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------
This ex-girlfriend/friend has a hold on him that you don't -- and that's a good thing! I can't think of any better advice than to let him go, now, before you get more embroiled in something you do not deserve, nor have the emotional stamina to endure. No doubt you are lonely after the death of your husband, it's only natural, but to reach back into the past for something that brings you this kind of trouble is self-destructive. I know, there is probably much to like about him (except his dismal financial status, and choice of friends) but, objectively, what you have told me raises red flags so large they can be seen 1000 miles away. Love is something you have to offer, but don't sell yourself short. There's someone out there for you, but this man isn't him, in my humble opinion.
I'm 62 years of age- I'm a widow of three years. I was married before, and I have gotten in touch with him in the last 2 years. He told me that he was not married and was dating a girl for a long time, but now they are just friends and sometime he does not hear from her for a year. I went to see him, and we had a very good time, also he came to see me.. My husband left me very well-off. My ex has no money -- is hardly making it. His old girlfriend went crazy when he called her to tell her that I got in touch with him. He said he was so happy, but she went crazy and my nightmare started. She has called me every name under the sun and caused a lot of problems. She broke his door in, was taking money out of his checking account, and he had her arrested. She spent a lot of time in jail – in and out.. He told me she is sick, but he didn’t defend me and still is talking to her, going to the casinos and, when he doing shows, she is traveling with him. He tells me that there is no sex involved and they are just good friends. I do love him. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Please give me some advice
-------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------
This ex-girlfriend/friend has a hold on him that you don't -- and that's a good thing! I can't think of any better advice than to let him go, now, before you get more embroiled in something you do not deserve, nor have the emotional stamina to endure. No doubt you are lonely after the death of your husband, it's only natural, but to reach back into the past for something that brings you this kind of trouble is self-destructive. I know, there is probably much to like about him (except his dismal financial status, and choice of friends) but, objectively, what you have told me raises red flags so large they can be seen 1000 miles away. Love is something you have to offer, but don't sell yourself short. There's someone out there for you, but this man isn't him, in my humble opinion.
Can't Froget My First Love
- Published 06/26/2009
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily,
I am getting married to my best friend in a few months. We have been together 10 years and have 2 children. My problem is that I can't seem to shake my first love. I am totally in love with my soon to be husband and have a wonderful life. My relationship with my first love was usually one way. I loved him very much but all I ever was was an extra. I was always the girl he cheated on his girlfriend with. I fully understand that all I ever was to him was a sexual object and that's all I would ever be. Through the years with my current love, I would breakdown and call my first love. I'm talking every few years to say Hi and to catch up. In time, I forget all the bad he did to me and I only remember the good friendship we had. After I feel guilty and suppress it again for some time. The problem now is I am getting married and I want to be finished with that forever. I love my fiance in a way I can't even put into words. I just need a way to always remember that the other person can only be bad for me and my life. I'm very sure I don't want him, and I don't want a relationship with him. Currently, I'm living a dream with my fiance. I just need a way to have strength if, in the future, I get a feeling of calling to check in, I guess. I think I might be having a problem accepting that I can never talk to him again, because I will always have feelings for him in a "hope he's doing well" kinda way.
----------------Miss Emily's advice------------
Perhaps there is an element missing with the man you are going to marry -- a certain element you had with "the guy who could never really be yours" that you simply can't forget. It might also be a void he left in you that he could never fill, and you can't accept. You didn't tell me how he responds when you have spoken to him but, in the final analysis, it doesn't really matter. If you are sincere about the commitment and love you have for your fiance, the father of your two children, and the "dream" life you say you have, that should be enough to keep your fingers away from the buttons on the phone. But many people seem to have it all, yet let temptation ruin it. There is no magic wand here. You either decide if the man you are going to marry is worth your loyalty, or you continue down this path until, one day, you talk to this ex, because you couldn't resist finding out if he's doing well (to satisfy your curiosity), and pacify your need to let him know you're the great girl he let get away. What if he wanted to start something up with you? What then?
I am getting married to my best friend in a few months. We have been together 10 years and have 2 children. My problem is that I can't seem to shake my first love. I am totally in love with my soon to be husband and have a wonderful life. My relationship with my first love was usually one way. I loved him very much but all I ever was was an extra. I was always the girl he cheated on his girlfriend with. I fully understand that all I ever was to him was a sexual object and that's all I would ever be. Through the years with my current love, I would breakdown and call my first love. I'm talking every few years to say Hi and to catch up. In time, I forget all the bad he did to me and I only remember the good friendship we had. After I feel guilty and suppress it again for some time. The problem now is I am getting married and I want to be finished with that forever. I love my fiance in a way I can't even put into words. I just need a way to always remember that the other person can only be bad for me and my life. I'm very sure I don't want him, and I don't want a relationship with him. Currently, I'm living a dream with my fiance. I just need a way to have strength if, in the future, I get a feeling of calling to check in, I guess. I think I might be having a problem accepting that I can never talk to him again, because I will always have feelings for him in a "hope he's doing well" kinda way.
----------------Miss Emily's advice------------
Perhaps there is an element missing with the man you are going to marry -- a certain element you had with "the guy who could never really be yours" that you simply can't forget. It might also be a void he left in you that he could never fill, and you can't accept. You didn't tell me how he responds when you have spoken to him but, in the final analysis, it doesn't really matter. If you are sincere about the commitment and love you have for your fiance, the father of your two children, and the "dream" life you say you have, that should be enough to keep your fingers away from the buttons on the phone. But many people seem to have it all, yet let temptation ruin it. There is no magic wand here. You either decide if the man you are going to marry is worth your loyalty, or you continue down this path until, one day, you talk to this ex, because you couldn't resist finding out if he's doing well (to satisfy your curiosity), and pacify your need to let him know you're the great girl he let get away. What if he wanted to start something up with you? What then?
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